Self Portrait Tuesday: Personal History #4

This is Heidi and me at the state fair in 2004, I was 9 months pregnant and Heidi was home for a visit form New Orleans. I love her as much as a sister could love a sister. We are different in so many ways, but at the same time we are almost exactly the same in other things. I wish you all could really know Heidi, she would be your best friend. She is kind and giving and would lay down her life for a person she cares about. She is funny and adventurous,, for the life of me I can't understand why men aren't throwing themselves at her. They are all missing a wonderful person. Sometimes when I'm with her I get the urge to grab men and drag them over to her and point out to them how great she is and then step back and watch them fall in love. The one time I mentioned that I might introduce her to strangers we meet and try and get some phone numbers she got very agitated and sort of freaked out that I would do that to her. O-well, maybe I just won't warn her next time. We were in San Francisco at the exploritorium, I though we might see some cute guys, we really did'nt see any anyhow. Anyway, today is her 30th birthday. Happy Birthday Heidi, I love you.

Weekend Update

Happy Monday everyone!! We had a fun weekend. Last night at church my friend Lorissa gave me this beautiful painting she did. This picture is just a detail of it because my lighting is sooooo bad in the house and it's raining outside. I couldn't get a good picture for anything. Thank you Lorissa, I'm thrilled to have it.
John and I went out Saturday night. We hung out in a coffee shop called Panera
I am in love with their hot chocolate, they serve it in a big mug with lots of whipped cream on top.
Next we went to Old Sacramento to a little bar called The Back Door. They had this singer doing Sinatra and Bobby Darin. It was cozy and he was really funny.
The best part was these 2 guys came in with crazy hats on. One had a giant flamingo on his head and the other had a Mexican hat on with big colorful tassels all around the rim. They pulled up chairs right in front of the singer, stayed about 10 minutes and left. Have a good Monday!!

Grateful Friday

-pizza and beer
-john making my birthday really special
-mom for watching the kids while I shopped this morning
-heidi for making me a beautiful blanket
-that I'm loving my 30's
-going to the Chinese New Years celebration in S.F. next month
-netflix
-my friend Gretchen for loving me
-warm clothes just out of the drier
-the kids naptime
-chamomile tea
-john's cute smile
-martha's new magazine Body + Soul

33

Yesterday was my birthday. I was so spoiled by John. He took the day off work and treated me to a day of surprises.

First we went to IHOP (or IPOP as Jack would say) and had breakfast. The kids were great and it was a fun way to start my birthday. Then we took the kids over to our friends Jeff and Gretchen's house and dropped the kids off. Then he took me to my next surprise, lunch and a facial and manicure!! It was so relaxing, just what I needed.

Then John took me to one of my favorite places to eat Zelda's pizza. John had invited my brother and sister and mom and Jeff and Gretchen there too. It was so nice to be there with the people I love.
Afterwards we went to Heidi's and I opened some presents and ate a yummy cake that Heidi made.
Here we all are. Next week is Heidi's 30th birthday, so we will all officially be in our 30's. YEA!!! we made it and were all in one piece.

And last of all this beautiful blanket that Heidi crotched for me. This was the first thing she ever crocheted. It started out as a scarf, but it got way to long, so she decided to just keep going and make it a really long blanket. It is amazing and really long and super cozy. I LOVE it. I love that she put so much heart into it (she's been making it since September). I will treasure it, it's one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever gotten.

Self Portrait Tuesday: Personal History #3

This is Jack moment's after he was born. I love this picture because this is really the first time I am looking at him. I felt so stunned when I saw him, really almost unbelief that this baby came out of me. He weighed 9 lbs 4 oz and he looked as big as he was. I had carried him around for 9 months but when I saw him come out of me I couldn't believe that I really had just delivered this baby. Tomorrow is my birthday, I know that my mom looked and held me with the same wonder and love on the day she bore me. There is absolutely nothing in this world that can compare to this feeling I have in this photo.

A Smile and Lemons

I have finally caught it on film, Jack smiling. I think I have a couple of others of him actually smiling but for the most part he's got a serious look on his face. He really does smile a lot but I have trouble getting it on film because he see's the camera and says "no smile, no smile" and runs the other way. On another note, I have more lemons than I know what to do with, actually 3 lemons is more that I know what to do with, and I have probably 50 of them sitting in my kitchen and hanging on the tree. I've made lemon cheesecake and lemon bars, lemon chicken and lemonade. My friend Lorissa had a good idea to freeze the juice and make lemonade later on. That sounds like a good idea. Hope you all are having a good Monday. Mine has been a bit frustrating, kids cranky, laundry piled high, kitchen a mess, but it's beautiful outside and that is making my day alright.

Grateful Friday

Yesterday the kids and I went to a new playground over by John's work. There are never any kids playing when we go to this particular playground. The trees are still small, the grass is perfectly mowed and there is not one hint of graffiti anywhere. It's a little strange. I actually poked around in all the "secret" places I though kids might go to write on the structure or carve initials into the plastic, but there was nothing anywhere. Then as we were leaving I noticed a flash of color on the grass a few feet away. It was a bubble gum wrapper, we have life!!! kids DO play here. It felt good to see this little piece of litter.

Other things I'm grateful for today:

- My mom and sister helping me shop with the kids yesterday
- My mom watching Stella today for a Dr. Appointment
- All you wonderful bloggers who offer me love and support
- My friend Lorissa, who I love chatting with
- Carob malt balls, I'm addicted to them.
- Lots of other things, but the kids are screaming and I have to go.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cracked

Last night I cracked. I sat on the living room floor with my face buried in my hands and cried. John sitting beside me, the kids running around, and me sitting on the floor weeping. I broke because I didn't feel close to John, because I want something more from my friendships, and because our govornor won't pardon people about to be killed. I cried because I'm terrified for Jill Carroll, because Jack won't stop screaming in the house, and because he has a runny nose again. John listened to me and comforted me and I felt better, but this morning I still feel cracked, I'm waiting for the soothing green moss to come fill in the tiny spaces still left.

Self Portrait Tuesday: Personal History #3

FAMILY TO FAMILY

Easter with my family about 1979 or 1980, Heidi, Darren, me, mom, dad(taking pic), Grandma, Grandpa, Great Grandma. The lovely family I grew up in. We have a picture like this for every holiday.
Married no kids 2002. John and I drove from Sacramento to Maine and back. This is me in front of Stephen King's house in Bangor Maine.
2004 San Francisco, Jack and me, I'm pregnant with Stella. My tummy was the perfect ledge for Jack to sit on.
2005 Here we are. My family. I hope I can give my kids the fun and love I had growing up in my family.

Our Weekend

We had a great weekend. My mom came over on Sunday morning and watched the kids while John and I went on a bike ride. I was once again reminded about what poor shape I'm in. We rode for 2 hours and I thought I might not be able to move today, but I was pleasantly surprised, I'm not sore at all. Then in the late afternoon we went to church. I was especially moved by the songs we sang. I love when I am swept up in a song and moved, it doesn't happen often but last night I was so choked up I could barley sing.


Saturday, we went to Old Sacramento with Heidi. One of our favorite shops "Orange" was calling it quits, so they had huge discounts. After shopping we went to lunch. This pizza place called Annabell's. It's downstairs, it's dark, and it's been in old sac since the beginning of time. There are animal skulls hung along the walls and in the back is a huge big screen TV playing cartoons and there are a bunch of video games. It's a little strange and creepy but it's fun for the kids and they have cheap pizza. It was a fun time.

I want to say a BIG thank you to all the people who leave comments on my blog. I'm so encouraged and blown away by the kindness and support all the bloggers give. I so enjoy looking at all of your blogs, they inspire me and make me laugh (and cry sometimes). Thank you for sharing your lives!!

Stella

Little gypsy Stella. I can not tell you just how sweet this girl is. I'm amazed by her. She loves cuddling and laughing and dancing. She sways back and forth with a little smile on her face when the music is on. She has named her pacifier baw baw, I'm not sure how to spell that but that looks about right. Not sure where she come up with that name, she just started calling it that one day. I can't believe she is already 16 months old. She still seems so small and babyish to me. I love her more than I can even say. My favorite thing she does right now is she gives running hugs, She'll run at you from all the way across the room and attack you with a hug.

Corners: (idea taken from soulemama)

This is probably the most cluttered area in our house. It's a floor to ceiling book shelf, jammed into the corner by our computer. It's really not functional, and at first glance, to a stranger it may just look like a complete mess, but to me it's my little lovely corner. It's where I keep the only books I own, some I love and some I just have a sentimental attachment to. I have "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama that was my grandmothers. I haven't read it, but everytime I see it, I think of her. I have "The Color of Distance" by Amy Thompson. It was one of the only sci-fi books I've ever read, but I loved it, it is one of my favorite books. I read it on our honeymoon, and it always brings me good feelings when I pick it up. Then there are the depressed chic books "Prozac Nation" and "Girl Interrupted" I am drawn to depressed souls, if I would let nature have it's way with me I would be sleeping in a depressed state 24/7, but I fight it and win most of the time, these books pull me in and I can feel the familiar blanket of darkness flutter over me when I read them, it's scary and comforting at the same time. Then there are all my travel Journals "Baghdad Without a Map", "A walk in the Woods" "In a Sunburned Country", I love reading about others travels, they satisfy my need to explore and see other places until I can get around to doing it myself. I could go on but this is getting long. So, In short, this corner holds me, my loves and memories, my fears and dreams.

Self Portrait Tuesday: Personal History #2

This was taken 4 years ago. It was the day John and I got back from a month and a half long road trip across the USA. Mom had been taking care of our cats and she happened to be there the moment we got back. During the trip I had really missed my friends and family and I was so excited when I saw she was there. For SPT this week I had envisioned a bunch of photos showing all the things me and mom have done together, but unfortunately I could not get all the photo's together, she has lots of them. We've hiked all over California together, climbed Half Dome, danced at Jazz fest in New Orleans, and drank on Bourbon Street together. I have so many fond memories of times spent with my mom. Today is her birthday. If I could I would give her the world and everything and anything that would make her happy, I would. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Other self portrait bloggers here.

Sunday

Today I went out alone, without the kids or John. I'm still getting over being sick, but my wonderful sister-in-law offered to give me a facial at the salon she worked in so there was no way I was turning that down. She said I was doing her a favor because she has to do some "practice" facials before they let her take clients on, but really she was the one doing me the favor. I felt so relaxed and wonderful afterward. I then went to my favorite antique shop and looked around, then I got myself a coffee and called Heidi up and went looking around in shops with her. After I dropped her off I looked in some more shops downtown and then got some food and went home. It was so refreshing to get away, thank you Kimberly for the facial, and thank you John for watching our two sick kids for a few hours, you made this mama's day.

Everytime I bake or cook dinner I put this apron on. Within a few minutes Jack demands loudly that I take my "cape" off and tie it on him. So I made him his own "cape". He really likes it because of the pocket on it. He likes to fill it up with as many forks and spoons as he can.

Pre-School

Every time I read an article about or think about pre-school, my chest tightens up a little. Reading "Parents" magazine a few days ago they were saying how much more they are demanding out of pre-schoolers, that they are teaching subjects they never taught before so they can be ready for Kindergarten. Luckily there seems to be parents and professionals out there who think this is wrong. That kids NEED to fingerpaint, and learn to share blocks. I couldn't help feeling a little nervous though. Jack is only 2 1/2 but I feel pressure to make sure he knows his abc's and colors and letters (which besides colors he doesn't know at all). I'm not the best teacher, I try but I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and he's not really picking it up. I would like to maybe put him in pre-school when he's 3 or 4, but just to make friends and get him used to school, I don't want him coming home with homework at 3. Does this really happen? Ug, God help me do the right thing for my kids.

Self Portrait Tuesday: History #1

Every year we go to the California state fair and take a photo in the photo booth. These go from 2002 when we are married without kids to us having Jack to me being pregnant (see row 4 bottom photo) to all of us in 2005. We are going to do it every year. I love these photos more than any others we have.

other self portrait tuesday bloggers HERE

Weirdo

I've been tagged by Acumamakiki for 5 weird things about myself, though I could have made a much longer list.
1. In my 20's I stayed awake for almost 4 days, with only small cat naps here and there. I did it on purpose to see what would happen. Towards day 4 I started to hallucinate conversations. I halluciated that there was a little man sitting in a shopping cart beside me in the store. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, I was afraid to look at him, he was just sitting there staring at me, it was then that I decided to end my experiment and went home and crawled in bed.

2. I call myself a vegetarian but I eat bacon. I love it and will eat it whenever I get the chance, I know this goes against all vegetarian rules, but I don't care, bacon is good.

3. I have a quarter sized dark brown oval birthmark on the back of my left calf. It looks like a smashed meatball. At the beginning of every summer for the first week or so my legs are exposed I'm very self conscience, but then I pretty much forget about it. You think I'd have made peace with it since I've had it my whole life, but I haven't.

4. (this is my new #4 since the other one didn't really count as weird) During my last month of pregancy I had to pee standing up. I had to straddle the toilet, for some reason nothing came out sitting down.

5. I once licked a public faucet in hopes of catching a cold and missing work. It was a sink in the breakroom of Virgin Records I worked at and I knew sick people were using the sink, so when it was empty I bent down and licked it. Writing that, I think that my be the most disgusting thing I ever did, funny thing is I didn't get sick. It really makes no sense to me looking back because I called in sick even if I wasn't sick.

Ok I tag Heidi, Lorissa, Marilyn, Darren, and Molly