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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Cracked

DSC04488

Last night I cracked. I sat on the living room floor with my face buried in my hands and cried. John sitting beside me, the kids running around, and me sitting on the floor weeping. I broke because I didn't feel close to John, because I want something more from my friendships, and because our govornor won't pardon people about to be killed. I cried because I'm terrified for Jill Carroll, because Jack won't stop screaming in the house, and because he has a runny nose again. John listened to me and comforted me and I felt better, but this morning I still feel cracked, I'm waiting for the soothing green moss to come fill in the tiny spaces still left.

17 Comments:

Blogger Riss said...

I LOVE YOU HEATHER! You'll always be my friend no matter what!!! :)

8:27 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

I understand where your at Heather and it's good that you were able to cry about it. I desire more from my friendships too and it makes me really sad that I feel like I can relate to my blogging girlfriends and they relate to me much more than those girlfriends around me.

9:22 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Sometimes it's very lonely being a mom.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

I feel on the verge of a major crack. Sometimes the world can just swallow you whole, without asking permission.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Suz said...

First (((((Heather)))), Big Hugs. I love how you associated this picture with you breaking down and crying/cracking.

I so know how you feel. There has been many a time that I have felt very much alone and have just sat down and cried. I have to say like "K", Iam a lot closer to my internet friends then any friends I have IRL.

Hugs Suz

10:18 AM  
Blogger Renee said...

We all need to 'crack' sometimes. I think it's good to just break down and cry; it really helps.
Are you feeling better now?

10:42 AM  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

you are SO not alone!

11:01 AM  
Blogger Heth said...

I love the moss thought.

11:34 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

good for your friend! i think we need to crack wide open more often. if we keep it in, if we carry it around, it eats us life. your cracks are a part of your beautiful humanity. this just shows me the goodness and tenderness of your heart. hey, i cracked last week when i threw the body butter and since then i've decided to do a lot more cracking.

i'm so with you about the friendship thing...i used to have a very strong group of women in my life and then life changed--they moved away, i became a mother. i miss that kind of companionship tremendously. the truth is the people i feel closest too right now is you guys--fellow bloggers.

hang in there friend. hugs to you! and let it out, all of it...

11:35 AM  
Blogger dani said...

heather, a huge hug to you to help shrink back that crack.

1:20 PM  
Blogger yaya said...

Don't ever feel that you are not allowed to cry - life is like that and just know that there are people all aound the world thinking of you. A good cry can do wonders........

3:18 PM  
Anonymous QueenMum said...

crying is good, we all (or maybe it's just me) go through it. new people and the changes they bring can be HUGE (I love how you admit that the yelling inside thing is more than aggrivating). Take care of yourself first, if you do that then everything else will come together on it's own. -- sonia

1:00 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i wish i knew what to say
or how to mend the cracks
or even what salve to put on them
to make them not hurt so much...

its good to cry though...

and to talk
and write...

5:17 AM  
Blogger tara said...

hi heather! just found your blog through, renee. what a totally open and honest post! life is just overwelming at times. so wonderful your husband was the rock you needed. just wanted to say hi, and tell you i love your photography! check out our blog anytime! and i hope you feel better -tara

7:32 AM  
Blogger ESB said...

..sending more empathy your way....

9:34 AM  
Blogger madness rivera said...

Oh mama! The ebb and flow of a thoughtful person. It's too much sometimes! It will flow out as it has crept in, like the tide.
Thinking of you, madness

8:11 PM  
Anonymous Shannon (sentimental) said...

Oh girl, you captured it so well! I know we can all totally relate to how you are feeling, or at least I can. Sometimes we have to have some sort of release and with that release we get the moss. Hope your moss is now growing so to speak! And you are finding comfort within yourself!

6:06 PM  

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