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Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #5

This is my High School Senior picture. I remember taking this photo, walking into the little trailer and sitting in the chair feeling awkward. I remember feeling pressure that this picture look good because I knew it was going to be in the yearbook. I was scared I would look my usual shlumpy self, and be forever remembered that way. When I first saw this photo, I was instantly in love with it. The person in it looks happy, and fun, and smart. She looks like she's a social genius and maybe would turn the head of a boy or two. In reality in highschool I was or at least felt like the opposite of all those things. I was insecure, fighting depression and scars from the past. I had a few friends but ate lunch alone for the first 2 years of highschool. I look back and wish I could go back more as the person I am today, I wonder how different it would be. Would I try out for soccer like I wanted to do but never did? would I go out with my friends and make even more? I'm sure It would be a entirely different experience. I'm happy overall with the way I've changed, what I'm even more excited about is seeing how much more I will change in the next 12 years.

Grateful Friday and Slow Down

Molly over at Mollycoddle in a few posts back talked about slowing down and enjoying the moments of our day. I don't tend to have a lot of errands or things scheduled into my days, but I still find myself rushing through things. Like hurry up and make lunch and get the kids to bed, or hurry up and post this blog, or hurry up and clean this house before John gets home . My mind tends to be racing even if my body is not. Today I did have a few errands to run. My friend Gretchen watched the kids while I went to an appointment, usually after I would speed back to the kids, not wanting to inconvenience Gretchen(though she never makes me feel that way), not wanting to feel like I"m taking advantage. Well today after my appointment I decided to force myself to slow down and enjoy a moment. I went and sat at a park and watched the ducks and then I went over to the library and checked out a couple of books. It was only about 30 extra minutes, but they were mine and I enjoyed them. Thanks Gretchen and thanks Molly for reminding me to enjoy life.
1. Mary J. Blidge and Prince singing on the American Idol finale.
2. Finding my lost fuzzy warm hoodie stuffed behind the couch.
3. The "Sage Mountain" herbal school article in my latest Body and Soul magazine.
4. Dolly Partons voice.
5. Cranberry juice and 7up.
6. Gretchen watching my kids today while I go to see if I qualify for Medi-cal.
7. Molly reminding me to slow down and enjoy each moment this week.
8. Winning a bet with John and getting the "massage of my life" tonight.
9. Going to the county fair tomorrow.
10. Getting 2 books at the library today "My Friend Leonard" by James Frey and "As I Lay Dying" by Faulkner. It feels good to start reading again after a little reading break.

Self Portrait Challenge: "Introduce Yourself" #4

I'm three months pregnant now. I actually don't even feel pregnant at all. If it weren't for the fact that I've missed some periods and gained some weight I might think I'm not. I know that I am though, last night as I lay on my back I could feel the firm bump just below my belly button. I'm excited, constantly thinking of names. We pretty much have a girl name pinned down, but the boy name, whew!! it's tough. I'm just not falling in love with any of them. I know the perfect name is out there, it just hasn't come to us yet. I've been feeling a lot of anxiety, we are trying to figure out insurance and also look for work. I know that I really need to chill and let John take on that burden, and I want to, but I just am having a really hard time letting go. Last night as I lay in bed I started thinking about how all this stress is affecting the baby and it made me sad. I'm really going to try and focus on relaxing and trusting my husband and God. I more than anything want to enjoy this pregnancy and have a healthy happy baby. This will be our last one and I don't want to spend the whole time stressed. I'm really grateful for the nightly walks I go on when John gets home. I hit shuffle on my ipod and start walking , it's such a rejuvenating, relaxing time. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and keep it with me all day long.
More self portrait's here

Grateful Friday

- Stella's smile
- Jack always putting his dishes in the sink after he eats
- Kids playing nicely with play-doh as I type this
- A beautiful Mother's day. Cards. Hugs. Wonderful food.
- Thanks mom for watching the kids so I could take John out for his birthday
- Old fashioned glazed donuts and cinnamon rolls, they make me happy
- I put my ipod on shuffle as I walked yesterday and the perfect songs came on
- Wearing skirts all summer
- My boobs are getting bigger :) (I'm pregnant for those who don't know,)
- The hippies won the amazing race
- Having the 2 best encouraging friends in the world, Gretchen and Lorissa.

Happy Birthday John

John's birthday was yesterday. He decided to call in that morning to work and use a vacation day. A day off work to celebrate his birthday, perfect. John is an amazing man, he is the kindest hearted man you will ever meet. He is patient and adventurous, and a super father. The day before John's birthday the company he works for decided to outsource to India and move out of California, laying of the 500 or so people working here. John was included in that. He has until August 31st and then he'll be out of work. During all of this and for the last month when the rumors of layoff were flying about, John has stayed optimistic while I've worried and cried. He has always really been that way, in the face of hard times John shines. He is hopeful and faithful. We've been through this before. Right before I got pregnant with Jack ,John and I were layed off in a company wide layoff with WorldCom. He looked for nine months, worked a few temp jobs , and finally, was scheduled to start his new job (the one he was just layed off from) on the day Jack was born. It is hard expecting a new baby and being unemployed, it's even harder now that we have 2 already. I thank God for John and his devotion to his family, for his optimism, for his sense of humor. I know that we will make it through just fine. I love you babe.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #3

I've never been really "high maintenance" when it comes to how I look, well at least with my hair and makeup. I remember growing up a phrase I heard often from my dad was "What happened, did you comb your hair with an egg beater". I didn't let myself go or anything when I became a mom, I was really always like this. What I mean is I really don't care if I leave the house without makeup on or not, and there has been more than one occasion where we are walking out the door to go to church or something and John will ask me nicely if I'm going to comb my hair. I know this sounds bad like I just have low standards, or am just lazy, or have low self esteem or something, which all might be slightly true, but the truth is I just think I look better most of the time a little messy. I can't for the life of me figure out what lip color looks good on me, and forget eye makeup, I just have no idea. I didn't inherit this from my family, my mom wears makeup all the time, and I rarely see my sister without her face nicely done up. I've grown comfortable with the natural look, but I'd also like to fancy myself up once and a while and feel like I know what I'm doing. I am getting a few more "are you ok, you look tired" comments than I used to. I may be finely forced into makeup by motherhood and age. Ok, I can accept that it was bound to happen sometime, so friends and family if you see me walking around with a hideous shade of pink lipstick on or mascara all over my face, please let me know, I'm new at this.

Grateful Friday

Little Red Riding Hood doesn't look as stressed out as her cat does, but I bet she is. I'm so stressed by the idea of John loosing his job. We'll know by Tuesday. I want to relax and just trust God that it's all going to work out. But It's so hard. I have moments where I can just let go, have faith, and breath, but they are only moments. There is a small chance they won't be shutting down his whole site, and some will be spared, so we are holding onto that small hope. I'm really happy I started doing these grateful Fridays, because it really does make me realize that even when things aren't going great, I still have so much to be grateful for.

- My family, the immeasurable amount of love we feel for each other will get us through anything.
- Mothers day. I love this day, because I love my mom so much, and because I get treated special.
- My new Weleda Sea Buckthorn body oil. I love the citrus smell, and the hopes of no new streach marks with this pregnancy.
- The Hippies are still in the Amazing Race.
- My new sun hat.
- My new love of vegi sushi (is it still called sushi if there is no raw fish in it?)
- Cookie magazine.
- My sister's funny blog today.
- My kids love helping do the dishes and laundry.
- Orange Dream machine at Jamba Juice
- Pasta with Trader Joe's pesto, sun dried tomatoes, and sauted mushrooms.
- Talking to Heidi everyday.
- Cuddling with John at night.

comment: ha!!! irene's comment made me laugh. Ok it was my first time at a suchi place and since I'm pregnant I can't eat raw fish, so I ordered something fish free. Was it sushi? was it a srping roll? I don't know what it's called, but it looked like sushi looks. I'd like to say I ate sushi, so that is what i'm going to call it for now. It sounds so exotic and hip to say you eat sushi. It was on the sushi menu, it had a Japanese looking name, it had cold rice ....I ATE SUSHI PEOPLE!!!! :)

New shorts

I made these shorts for Stella a few days ago. I love the material so much, I got it at a huge fabric rummage sale. I hope to make some pants for her with it next winter too. I think I might just stop going to sewing class. Really there are no formal lessons, you just come in with a project and get help with it. I really love it, but lately John has been gone so much taking care of his mom, by the end of the day I just really want to be home with him if he is here. I think I had a bit of a romantic view of what it meant to take care of our parents once they start getting old and needed help. The reality is it's really hard. It's not all, sitting around and chatting, and getting them a drink of water once in awhile. We really aren't even doing all that much for John's mom right now, but what we are doing seems overwhelming. Anyway I'm drifting from my original subject aren't I, oops. I guess maybe I'll need to make a "taking care of our sick parents post" sometime soon.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #2

Name: Heather
Childhood Ambition: To be Cyndi Lauper. I distinctly remember telling my mom I was going to dress and look exactly like her when I grew up.
Fondest Memory: Our honeymoon in Maui
Soundtrack: Waking up to birds chirping in the morning, Joni Mitchell songs.
Retreat: Redwoods or big sur
Wildest Dream: Spend a month vacationing in Italy with John and the kids.
Proudest Moment: The birth of Jack and Stella
Biggest Challenge: Being in labor with Jack
Alarm Clock: Jack and 6am and Stella at 6:30am
Perfect day: John home, kids not whiny, trip to the ocean or woods, dinner alone with John.
First Job: Wendy's
Indulgence: Eating a big bowl of ice cream while watching America's Next Top Model.
Last Purchase: Weleda Sea Buckthorn Body Oil.
Favorite movies: Breakfast at Tiffanys, Chocolate, You've Got Mail, so many more.
Inspiration: John's sense of humor, playing with my kids, the forest, the ocean.
My Life: Is full of laughter, hugs, tears, walks, food, and family.

We had an excellent weekend. Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers for my mother in law. She is doing great. Already calling us daily from the hospital room with requests. She is a spunky little lady with lots of life still in her. As for John's job we are still waiting to hear on that.

Saturday we went to Ancil Hoffman park. It's only 20 minutes away from us. Sacramento is such an amazing city. In the middle of it there is this huge nature preserved. We saw deer and wild turkeys, hiked for a couple hours and made our way to the river and threw rocks in.

We love it there, there are so many trails and things to explore.

Later on we took the kids to the park to fly kites. It was Jacks first time. It was so fun watching him, he would get really excited and let go of the string every time. It was hilarious watching John run after the string trying to grab it. By co-op the kids were so tired. John and I ate Japanese food and met some friends to walk around Old Sacramento. I love the weekends and am always a little sad when Monday comes along.

Grateful Friday

I know it's only Thursday, but I'm not sure I'll be able to get on the computer tomorrow if it's anything like today. I just put the kids down for a nap, they have been especially winy and clingy the last couple days. It's been a bit stressful around here lately. John's mom has been having mini heart attacks for the last month. At least once a week we have gotten a panicked call from her needing to go to the ER, or her med-alert people have called saying she is on the way to the hospital. She finally got the tests she needed and it showed that her heart was all clogged up, barely working. This morning she went in for open heart surgery. She needed 5 bi-passes. She got out about 30 minutes ago and we aren't really sure how it went, only that she is alive. If that weren't enough family stress, John's work is threatening to close down their California office, so by the end of the month we will know if John will be layed off or not. UG!! Anyway I think all of this drama is stressing not only us out but the kids too. I do have so much to be grateful though for, so here is this weeks list.

- Maryann is out of surgery
- Getting to watch Easy Rider tomorrow night
- The smell of fresh oregano and thyme from our herb garden on my fingers
- Going to Fairy Tale Town with my friend Melissa and her kids yesterday
- My kids soft skin
- Salads at Chipotle
- Philipians 4:6-7

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #1

In introducing myself this month I could have started out with so many things. I'm a Christian, a wife, a reader, a dancer, a movie lover, a dork. I chose to start with mother though. Being a mother is what I've always wanted to be. Growing up my ambition wasn't a career it was to get married and have kids. I know that sounds old fashioned and maybe a little regressive to some but to me it was really what I wanted. I tried school and racked my brian trying to figure out what I wanted, people would ask what I was going to school for and I'd either make something up or just say I was still figuring it out. Really though in my mind I knew what I wanted and for awhile I just wouldn't admit it to anyone. I felt like I should have a higher ambition. The truth is now I know that this is the ultimate ambition. I know I can be anything I want to be, but right now I want to be and choose to be a mother.

Weekend Update

- Friday was play in the mud day. It started with me watering the plants and snowballed into a gigantic mudfest. Unfortunately by the end of the day Stella had a fever and was sick. We met my family anyway at the theater to watch "Ice Age 2" for Jack's birthday and decided Jack is still a bit to young for the theater. He watched most of it but then just wanted to run around.

Saturday was Jack's birthday party. It ended up fun, but the beginning was pretty much torture for me. Image 8 adults silently standing around staring at each other while the kids ran in the bedroom to play. I felt panic, what was wrong with everyone? So about 10 minutes into the party I whisper to John that maybe we should start the game. Unfortunately the game bombed. I had put all my hope on the classic "pin the tale on the donkey" game, and it let me down big time. The problem was it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to play the game. Just as I was about to go lock myself in the bathroom and consider my escape options people started talking, eating, and seemed to be having a decent time.

I know part of the problem was that I could hardly do anything because Stella was a feverish whiny lump in my arms 95% of the party. At the end I know Jack had a good time. People got him some super fun gifts and all the kids had fun playing in the back yard. John and I however decided that next year we will be having the party at a different location, a park, "bouncetown", "chucky cheese", anywhere where I don't have to actually plan the activities.