four sweetpeas -->

Monday, September 11, 2006

Intensity

DSC07206
Everything in my life seems to be magnified right now. We feel the pressure of time, pressure to find a job, pressure to heal and have the Dr. give the Ok for John to go back to work, pressure to get all this figured out before the baby is born. Our due date is November 29th, I don't think I've mentioned that yet. I feel pressure to try to stay calm for the kids, for the baby, to make sure I carry full term. Our emotions are full and strong ranging from hope, to depression. I look at Jack and Stella right now and feel strong intense love for them. Last night I had a dream we were driving fast and busted through the guard rail into the ocean below. I remember my heat stopping, sinking, realizing it was over, but we all made it, we floated to the beach and were all fine. In my heart I really know everything is going to be alright, but I can't help but feeling scared that we'll run out of money, or that stress is hurting my growing baby, or that John won't find a job. When he was in the hospital our friend Jeff came and visited, before he left we all prayed together. As he prayed he said that these are the times that we will remember our whole life, that we will tell our children about how we got through them. He said these are the times that build our character and make us stronger people. The good times are great, but we really grow as people during the hard times. As he prayed this I nodded my head and knew he was so right. I hope I'm not bumming you guys out, I promise happy posts to come.

14 Comments:

Blogger Server Girl said...

wow...that post was intense! See dreams are related into our lives. It'll be o.k. Everything will turn out fine eventually. I love u guys!!! :)

10:53 PM  
Blogger my pink sky said...

your honesty is so touching because it is real...we all struggle sometimes, and we are all here to lift each other up. and like in your ocean dream, peace will return. (((hugs)))

4:21 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

Girl, this is why we have a supportive blogging community; sometimes there are posts that aren't all unicorns and swirly beautiful colors. Although the colors of the photo/painting are beautiful! It's normal to be anxious about all that's on your and John's plate and I admire you so much for how you pull it all together, even in the times that you're super stressed out. This too shall pass, I swear it.

4:34 AM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

Blessings and love and prayers for you and your wonderful family!
God bless you all real good!
Big hugs

4:51 AM  
Blogger vickie pellouchoud said...

you needn't apologize for the post not being happy, it's struggles like these that we all go through and makes us feel connected, it touches peoples hearts and we realize we are all human facing our own trials and that we're not alone. I send love and prayers to you all that times will get lighter. Hold eachother, love eachother, together you'll all make it through.

10:17 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

no apologies...this is where you are right now and that's okay. we're here supporting you, praying for you.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I really believe that God has a plan for everything in our life. When we have hard times I tell my husband that god will provide. He does some miracle and my faith is stronger.

My prayer for you is that you feel God's presence and his love. He is with you when you feel you are drowning in life.

God has gotten you this far he won't leave. That I know is true.

I am around if you want to chat.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Oh, we have been there...I'm sorry things aren't easier right now. I know you guys will make it through and smile about these times someday, but for now just know that there are many people who love you and can help. Heck, if you get in a spot you can always come stay with us! The more the merrier. Big hugs and prayers to all of you.

1:07 PM  
Blogger molly said...

I will be praying for you Heather...Dan and I have been through some very similar times, and they really are defining. God will give grace and strength...
And please continue to share your true feelings and struggles with us. That's what we're here for.

6:51 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

it will come,
it will come...

it is hard to be
in that limbo though,
that waiting period,
that stressful period...

and don't worry about
"bumming anyone out",
if anything i'm sure
we all see that
we all struggle,
and we rally around each other.

8:05 AM  
Blogger kelly rae said...

so glad he will be ok. but even with that, come the fears. my thoughts are with you.

8:41 PM  
Blogger h&b said...

Beautiful painting, i'm sorry it reflects such confusion and fear.

Your dream was a good dream, you will float, you will swim, you will survive.

4:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heather, my dear - I have read your blog for some time now... just checking out blogs at the order of my website helper requests - he wants me to start one soon. I was touched by you some time ago.... your way with words, you as a mother, as a partner, as a family member... I came back - yes, it was not every day but every few weeks - I would peek at you guys to see how you were doing.

Anyway - i just want you to know that it will be alright - no matter what happens - I have seen in your post that you have faith - all you have to do is hold onto that and you will endure - both you and your children, and your husband will endure if you continue to pray and hold on to your faith that if you do the right thing it will come back to you. Hold on... and hold on tight... it sometimes is hard but it always comes out right.

7:00 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Everyone, you are all so so awesome, thanks for the support and love. Things are already getting better.

8:43 PM  

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