four sweetpeas -->

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

How can I teach her to love herself? To feel beautiful, to love all her little quirks, the curve of her hips, and the shape of her smile? Is there a magic age where she will start to doubt? Stare in the mirror and start to pick herself apart? What age is it? I want to know so I can stand beside her and tell her she is the most beautiful of God's creations. That she is amazing and strong and brings a beautiful light with her wherever she goes. That true beauty isn't what we are told it is by society, but it's unique and it comes from the inside. I want to hold her hand and look in her eyes the moment she starts to doubt, stop that first thought of self hatred, tell her not to go that way. I'm scared. All I know is I can tell her she is amazing everyday, to give her lots of kisses and beyond that I don't have the answers. It almost seems impossible, I hope it's not and I'm going to do everything in my power to raise this little precious girl to love herself.


Blogger Server Girl said...

awwwww...that is so i am, with all my depression, crying...this is totally sweet. Stella is so adorable!!!

10:56 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

fantastic picture!
that smile!

and i know exactly what you mean.
my daughter is now ten
and i fear is getting closer
and closer to that age
when self doubt starts to creep in.

and i think it is especially
harder on the moms
we not only remember what
it felt like then
but also may still have issues

4:18 AM  
Blogger lovegreendog said...

i think what we need to do is keep talking to them, keep on showering them with positive, powerful information

it's challenging, i am 7 years in with my girl - i want to shield her from images everywhere - but that isn't realistic,lately alot of our conversations start with "is that real?" it's interesting to hear what they think

she's a lucky girl to have you

5:49 AM  
Anonymous natércia said...

Thank you for such a nice post. Your blog is at the top of my everyday reading.


6:22 AM  
Blogger acumamakiki said...

I know what you mean....I hear you girlfriend, I hear you. I get so worried about this. In fact I was just thinking this morning (and wondering whether to blog it) about the fear I feel now that I'm a mama.
Everyday I think you tell your girl how incredible she is, how much you love her and you keep on saying it. I try to remind Ava that she is pretty NOT because of her clothes or her appearance but because of what's inside of her. She almost rolls her eyes when I ask her what makes her pretty but she knows (kindness and gentleness towards others) and that EVERYONE is pretty.
I've also made it a point to never throw myself under the bus when she's around or within earshot and so far, I've done a good job.

6:31 AM  
Blogger Sonia said...

What a beutiful and lovely is your daughter, Heather!

Love your lovely, beautiful and amorous words!

6:42 AM  
Blogger Renee said...

Yeah, that's a tough one. I think just allowing them to discover and develop their talents allows them to grow in self-confidence and not focus so much on the outside.
She's beautiful!

7:46 AM  
Anonymous Jacqueline said...

Have you read Reviving Ophelia?

7:59 AM  
Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

I've thought about this same thing even though I don't have any children do you protect them from these kinds of things?

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Toryssa said...

I worry about this with my son. Maybe not so much on the physical part, because the societal need isn't so great on boys, but the inner strength and confidence.
I worry about middle school and he hasn't even started preschool yet.

8:21 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

beautiful, priceless post!

i think you start by giving this gift to yourself. being able to see you love yourself would make one huge impact on her. it could show her how to do it.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous tammie said...

i was thinking this EXACT thing yesterday as my daughter and i stared into each other's eyes for the longest time. she turns one tomorrow

11:07 AM  
Blogger JeepGirl said...

Wow, what an amazing picture. You should get that one framed. Love the words of love and feelings.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One question I can answer, another I cannot. Our daughter is experiencing those feelings this year, 5th grade (age 10-11), for the first time. What to do about it, we don't exactly know.

We talk about anything and everything with her, and we talk a lot. I tell her that she is not alone in thinking the thoughts she has. I tell her that I have had them too. We tell her we love her, we tell her we are proud of her, and we tell her she is beautiful.

It is so tough, though. I cried when talking about it with her because I so very much do not want her to.

Sharing that post with her when her time comes could do the trick: honest penetrating thoughts of love from her mom. I think I might share it with mine.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Suz said...

What a beautiful post Heather. You have expressed what I have felt since my daughter first came into the world and now she is 15.

Just keep telling Stella )love that name!) what you are telling her. She will come into her own, and not dout herself because of the mom she has.

Love the picture, she is such a cutie!

Hugs Suz

12:50 PM  
Anonymous mav said...

beautiful image & words. very inspiring.

7:07 PM  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

i think these same things every day about my little girl-


2:29 AM  
Blogger madness rivera said...

Gorgeous pic!

Our daughters tend to display less self doubt when we mommy's show self love ourselves. The outside world will always be cruel which means their inside world -- in their hearts, in their minds, in their mommys -- needs to stay strong. If we tell them to love themselves, we need to believe it ourselves. If this is too difficult because of years of telling ourselves differently, then we need to fake it best we can for them.

Provocative and honest post Heather.

1:53 PM  
Blogger alicia said...

Oh, my. You have expressed this terrifying concern of every mother of a daughter perfectly. Beautiful. Sad. And so loving.

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

Beautiful post, Heather.

12:08 AM  

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