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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Self Portrait Tuesday: Self Exploration #3

One of my fears in being a mother is that I completely lose myself. What I mean is that when our kids leave and start their own lives that I will feel lost, not know who I am, that I will feel useless because I won't be as needed in a mother role anymore. I'm still working it out, I feel like as a mom I do need to fade into the background a bit and give all my energy to my kids, but at the same time is it good for them to see a mom who isn't pursuing things she loves outside of her mother role? I do think part of it is that I'm concerned with how people view me. I wonder if people think I'm a bad mother because I love to read, or because I love to write blogs like this one, or watch movies? I want to be able to feel confident that I am being the best mother I can be AND still grow as an individual and feel no guilt about it. In the end I just want to be happy, enjoy my life, and teach my kids to do the same.


Blogger acumamakiki said...

I'm a long-time lurker, first time poster. I love this photo, it's really beautiful and also, your words. I think it's a fine line we walk, of always finding who we are without being defined because of our kids.

10:24 AM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

the photo is great

and i think your words
echo the thoughts of many mothers
(and maybe fathers too but
i can only speak for what i know hee)

when i look back at journal entries
i wrote ten years ago when i first had my daughter, i find the same thread throughout of fear of losing myself...

i think as long as you are aware,
it can't happen...

10:30 AM  
Anonymous amanda said...

..beautiful. and you speak so clearly of the balance we all experience as mothers--trying to find self in all of it, while still being the best mom you can. I'm confident from what I read here that you're doing all that and more.

10:37 AM  
Blogger la vie en rose said...

wonderful pic...i think this is an issue a lot of women face. i personally think that if a woman doesn't have her own life, her own passions and her own interests, then she has nothing to give, to herself or to her children...that's what keeps us filled...and children need to see their mothers pursue these pleasures...that's how they'll learn about self-care, and passion and dreams...

12:11 PM  
Blogger Glamorous Jo said...

LOVE the photo.....

12:57 PM  
Blogger Server Girl said...

wow Heather..this pic is SO good..i love it. You are such a good mom and a great great person. I love u so very much. You are so my heart....:)...and i don't know what i would do without u.

6:17 PM  
Blogger kath red said...

this is wonderful.

7:45 PM  
Anonymous yolie said...

I love this picture! And it seems none of us escape the guilt!!! Is that an innate thing? Or do we somehow, somewhere along the line learn to feel we aren't doing it well enough? Arrrgh.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Sonia said...

Hi Heather, thank you for leaving your nice comment today on "Leaves of Grass".

Love this picture! Very expressive!

Great your words today! I also agree with "la vie en rose".
I think that a good mother is a happy mother. A good mother love to read, do play music, to write blogs, watch movies, to dance and so on. Exactly as you do.
A good mother teach the pleasure of life to their childrens. You are right when you said that: “I just want to be happy, enjoy my life, and teach my kids to do the same”.

11:22 AM  
Anonymous irene said...

you ARE a great mom.

2:34 AM  
Blogger madness rivera said...

I'm sorry I'm late seeing this . . .it's so beautiful.
I think we do our children a disservice by not engaging in our passions still. Do we tell them constantly to follow their dreams, but only show them sacrifice? As they get older, they will genuinely be interested in what you're interested in, and make it joyful to show them.
Again, lovely post

10:17 PM  

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