Panic

Last night I felt true panic for the first time as a mother. We are part of a babysitting co-op with some friends from my church. So last night was our turn to watch the 10 kids for 4 hours. It sounds daunting but when we have every other Saturday in the month to go out on a date it's worth it. Anyway, we put Stella to sleep in her crib around 8pm. After awhile I heard her crying so I went in to check on her. It wasn't her usual cry, it was short screeches and then a gasp. Usually when she is crying in her crib she stands up and waits for me to come. This time she stayed laying on her side. I picked her up and she was limp, not clinging to me or anything. She kept screaming and the weird thing is she would not open her eyes. I freaked out. I started shaking and practically running around our place franticly yelling "what's wrong with her" John and I felt helpless and I was about to jump in the car to go to the ER. That was just the time when all the co-op parents came home to pick up their kids. Two of them happen to work in hospitals. So they snatched Stella up and looked her over. They looked her over, said her breathing sounded ok and stayed with us while I held her. Stella calmed down, opened her eyes and gradually went back to her normal self. It took me all night to get back to MY normal self. She slept with us last night, we were constantly checking on her. This morning, it's like nothing happened, she is happy and healthy. They think maybe she had a seizure, I think maybe a freaky nightmare. I don't know but something was wrong. We check in with the Doc on Tuesday, so we'll see what he says. Anyway, I realized that I'm not one of the clear headed thinking calm mom's in an emergency, I'm the freak out and panic type.