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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Self Portrait Tuesday

I don't know why but for about a week now I've been having this inner battle between being content with what I have and with having this deep craving for more. I'm not talking about my family or things that really matter, more like material stuff. A couple of our friends are moving into bigger homes, I think that may be what started this craving for more. It's like a gnawing in my belly. I can feel it when I watch Extreme House Makover on Sunday nights. I'm fine until the very end when they show off the house they built, then I start to feel it in the pit on my stomach. I hate it. I know we won't be moving anytime soon, and really we have more than we need. A few years ago we went to Manila and saw what poverty really is. It's a different poverty than I've ever seen in America (though I know it's here in some places). I left truly grateful for what I had, even now sometimes out of the blue, I'll be washing the dishes and just become really grateful for running water. Overall though lately I haven't been doing that much. I'm going to try to get back to that gratitude. I know I love my family and God and my friends. I know that I don't want to live beyond our means. I know I don't want to feel jealous when I see others get stuff I think I want. Really all that matters is my family. If all were lost and all I had was them, that would be more than enough.


Blogger Kimberly said...

I think you should know that I often think how lucky you are because when I go to your house it always feels so peaceful and simple and well put together. I usually come home and feel cluttered and overwhelmed. It's funny how sometimes you want what others have, maybe because it's just different. Love Ya!

10:29 AM  
Blogger molly said...

I just read your blog today for the first time. sorry, but I don't remember how I found it...anyway. I really love the honesty about what you wrote. I could hear myself talking in what you said--I hate this about me, always wanting something better, more, newer...i want to want simplicity, to be content with what i have. to want more than "things" that will someday be left behind.
thanks for what you wrote. a good reminder on perspective and contentment.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Riss said...

I feel a craving for more "stuff" too. I think I should be farther along in life than I am and I get depressed. I think "my friends lives are so together and I feel like I'm just getting started." Since I have been going through my sister's belongings after she died I realize all this stuff is just that--stuff. She is in heaven saying "who cares about all that junk!" I have to remember all these things will stain and rot and smell some day and I will only burden other people with my stuff when I die.

9:20 AM  

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