four sweetpeas

New blog

2006-12-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

Ok everyone, head on over to my new blog, Five Sweetpeas www.fivesweetpeas.blogspot.com The talented and amazing Joleen created it for me. I love it and thank you a ton Joleen. This blog will still be here if anyone is interested in looking at my archives, but from now on I'll be posting over there. See you there. Love Heather.

us

2006-12-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

I hope you are all prepared to see lots of pictures of my kids in the next few weeks. I'll throw some other stuff in there I'm sure but right now my life is all about my family. We are all doing good. Nights have been a little rough and the last couple of days I've been really exhausted and emotional. Last night though was really good, I would get up and nurse Rocky and he would fall right back to sleep instead of staying up like he had been doing the other nights, so today I'm feeling much more rested. Today we decorated our house and last night we had some family over to decorate our tree and have egg nog and cookies, it was fun.

Jack and Rocky

2006-11-28T19:52:00.000-08:00

What I love most right now is watching Jack and Stella fall in love with Rocky.

2006-11-25T13:57:00.000-08:00

HE'S HERE!!!!!!!!
We named him Rocky and he is the sweetest little baby. He looks exactly like Stella when she was born. He weighed 9lbs 4oz, which is exactly what Jack weighed. He was born on Thanksgiving morning.

The kids love him and constantly want to hold him. More pictures to come. Have a great weekend everyone.

The Last Few Days and Grateful Friday

2006-11-17T10:06:00.000-08:00

You all might getting a little sick of my belly shots by now, I love them though, and since this baby will be coming soon I'm trying to get as many as possible.

Ok, I forgot it was Friday almost 2 weeks in a row. So what am I grateful for this week?
- John's new job which he really likes.
- Watching the "Lost" series finally through Netflix
- Jack getting so excited when we let him stay up a little later and watch "mommy and daddy tv" with us.
- Spending time with Gretchen and Lorissa yesterday.
- Heidi my sis is coming over in a bit and were going to old Sac to look around the shops.
- A sweet call from my mom the other day telling me how much she loves me and our family.
- Eggnog.
- Gaining 40 lbs and sometimes being a bit horrified by it, but mostly not really caring and just accepting it and sort of liking it.
- Earrings my sister made for me, they are so cute and I love them.

2006-11-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

Leaves are falling, and the rain is pouring right now. We've been making leave piles everyday, the kids love it. Even today, during a pause in the rain, we ran out and raked some leaves up and the kids rolled around in them. John started commuting today. He left and 6 and will be home by 7, hopefully, you never know with traffic though. It's a long day. I miss him, and I know he's going to be tired when he gets home. I know I'm tired. I'm sort of just waiting to go into labor, even though I'm not really due until the 29th, I feel like the baby could come at any time. Last night I had some pretty strong contractions, but they went away. I think we've finally got the names picked out, but John and I are keeping it a secret. I have in my mind that I want John to whisper the name into the baby's ear before we let everyone else know. Have a great week everyone.

2006-11-09T08:35:00.000-08:00

Last night we were driving home from church and Jack was chattering away in the back seat about the street lights and the moon and clouds and stars. He was chattering on and on and I was half listening to him and half zoning out. Then it got quiet, for about 5 minutes not a sound from the back seat. The quietly we heard Jack say in a tiny little worried voice, "But I don't want to grow up" and then silence again. I looked at John and then turned to the back seat and asked Jack what he said, and again he said quietly "but I don't want to grow up, I just want to stay little". He seemed really concerned and worried and it broke by heart. We assured him that he is still our little guy and will always be. I just wanted to snuggle up next to him right then, this morning we did, his sweet little warm body wedged in between John and I. I couldn't help but wish he could stay small forever. I have a feeling the new baby coming may have a bit more impact on him than we expected. Jack and Stella are going to need some extra loving, with the move and the baby. Life is going to be a little crazy for awhile. All I know to do is just try to be more gentle and kind and spend special time with them.

2006-11-06T18:36:00.000-08:00

John swept me away this weekend to a bed and breakfast and 2 days without kids. It was a total surprise and such a wonderful way to spend the last few days before the baby comes. I have good news, John was offered a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so grateful, it is just the company he had his sights on a few months ago, he really stayed focused and went after it and after 4 interviews, two of which were over 2 hours long, and lots of back and forth driving to Walnut Creek (1 1/2 to 2 hr's away) he was finally offered the job. It's a super company. He has to start on Monday the 13th, so that is really the only drawback with me ready to go labor any day now. He'll be 2 hours away, it will work out though, I just keep trying to tell myself that and be grateful to God for the job. I'm excited to have this baby soon, I've been having lots of contractions everyday, so I'm sure the baby will come early, but I thought that for Jack and Stella too and they were both late.

2006-11-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

3 little ghouls. Jack, Stella, and Maya. Mason the dragon was there too. The kids loved Trick-or-Treating. Now we are trying to manage the candy consumption. Our friends Jeff and Gretchen have a method they swear by. They call it a "Candy Dinner". They sit the kids down and say, "alright eat as much as you want, but when you are done the rest of it gets thrown away", Gretchen says last year Maya ate four pieces and than was done, and even said it was alright to throw the rest away. For some reason I don't think my kids would stop at 4 pieces, I have a feeling Stella might just eat and eat until she passes out. So I'm not sure the "Candy Dinner" method would be right for us. Or maybe it's just that throwing out perfectly good Reece's Peanut Butter Cups and Mr. Goodbars is nearly physically impossible for me to do. I am allowing the kids 3 or so pieces a day. My personal allotment is slightly larger :).

The Great Pumpkin Caper

2006-10-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

Someone stole the pumpkins off of our front porch this weekend. We had 5 of them, each of us had picked one out, they went from big (dad) to smallest (baby) at a local pumpkin patch. I know they are just pumpkins and all, but our heart sank when we realized they had been stolen. John and I were in a sort of funk for awhile. Who would steal our pumpkins? Our KIDS pumpkins!!, A pregnant lady's pumpkin for goodness sake!! Have you no SHAAAAAMMMEEE? ha, just kidding, but I was pretty upset about it.

Well I'm so delighted to post that this morning we walked out our door and found our pumpkins all returned in good condition with these notes taped to them. Ahhh I feel love and peace again for our neighborhood. I will no longer squint my eyes suspiciously at all the passing teenagers, I will no longer scan porches as we drive down our street looking for our kidnapped friends. Carry on with Halloween everyone, all is well.

Grateful Friday

2006-10-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

It's 2:39 am right now and I can't sleep. I've entered the stage of pregnancy where for me, everynight is a long drawn out toss around in bed ordeal. So I either lay there frustrated or get up, wrap myself in a blanket, and watch TV or read or surf the internet. I only have about 4 weeks left, time is flying by and I don't quite feel ready for the baby yet. Luckily I have 4 weeks left to get ready. We have everything we need, so I'm not sure why I don't feel ready. John has his 4th interview with this job in Walnut Creek next Wednesday. We are pretty sure they will offer it this time. It's a great thing yet many challenges go along with accepting this job. It will mean he will have to commute the last month of my pregnancy and then for a month after, until we find a place to live. I have thoughts of him getting the job, him being there, me at home in labor with the kids, him rushing home (it's about 2 hours away) and not making it. I wonder if everything will fall into place, babysitting?(should we just bring them?), will I deliver fast?, how will I get to the birthing center?(drive myself in labor?) All of these questions are making me feel not ready. I want to trust God, just breath and let the plan unfold, but it's hard. Meanwhile, people are telling me the baby looks low, that I've "dropped". I'm having more and more contractions throughout each day, and the days are going by quickly. One thing I know is that this baby will come when it's ready, I'm eager to meet the little one, to hold a tiny hand, and smell the little neck. To watch Jack and Stella as they look at this amazing little baby. Today I'm grateful for all the questions, we are on the edge of a new life in many ways, and though it may be scary, it is exciting.

Baby Shower

2006-10-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

My friends threw me a baby shower on Sunday. I've been meaning to post about it all week, but got busy. It was more of a "mommy" shower. All the gifts were for me. It was wonderful. I got lots of stuff to pamper myself, lotions, bath stuff, even some pregnancy clothes. My one regret is that I didn't take any pictures. I brought my camera and then forgot all about it once I started stuffing myself with empanadas and cake. My belly cast Gretchen did for me is beautiful, all the guests signed it, I'll show you all when John and I write something on it and then put a final protective spray on it.

Grateful Friday

2006-10-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

My friend Gretchen did a belly cast on me Monday. I'm not sure why we aren't laughing in this photo because the whole thing was pretty hilarious. Instead of using Vasilene we tried Saran Wrap to protect my body this time. Lets just say getting my breasts to look somewhat natural and not all smooshed or squished to one side while wrapped in plastic wrap is not easy. We finally worked it out with a lot of fancy maneuvering and the end result looks great. Gretchen did a super job and I'll get to see the final end result on Sunday. Thanks Gretchen!!

Here's some other things I'm grateful for this week:
- My mom coming over yesterday, bringing me an iced vanilla latte and "The Little Mermaid" for the kids.
- Iced Vanilla Latte's from Starbucks.
- The season finale of Project Runway. I was rooting for Uli, but really liked Jefferey's collection especially that first red polka dot dress.
- John backing up our computer on a back up hard drive, I can stop worrying now that we are going to lose everything.
(doesn't Gretchen look like an artist in this picture? Beautiful!!)
- My friends throwing me a shower on Sunday!! Yippee!!
- The holidays coming, I'm going to make some pumpkin bread over the weekend.

Apple Hill

2006-10-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

Every year we go to Apple Hill. It's about 45 minutes away in Placerville. It is always crowded but this year we decided not to go to the popular spots and headed up the hill a little. We found a place called Honey Bear Farm. It was perfect.

The lines weren't very long for pie and the farm itself was beautiful. There was a huge Koy fish pond and old trees and a pumpkin patch. They had made a maze out of hay stacks that the kids loved.

It think next year we will try this place again or maybe even explore some of the smaller farms down some of the little roads.

Apple Hill has lots of memories for me, we've gone every year pretty much since I was a kid. Usually with my dad though what I remember is stopping at road side farms where there were huge bins of apples to pick from and hot apple cider. We would always get a piece of pie or a caramel apple. I'm glad my kids will have lots of happy memories of our Apple Hill trips too.

Grateful Friday

2006-10-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. John went back to work, and despite Jack being sick all day, and me having to literally crawl out of our bedroom because my siatic nerve wouldn't let me put any pressure on my left leg without what felt like a bolt of electricity shooting down my butt and leg, the day went pretty well. Jack pretty much layed on the couch all day, and after some streches I could move around the house pretty well on two legs. Here is my grateful Friday list, have a super weekend everyone.

- Playing Light Bright while watching the Amazing Race.
- John has another interview next Tuesday.
- It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Our churches annual Apple Hill service on Sunday. Apple Hill is a place up in the mountains where there are tons of apple trees and crafty booths set up, lots of pies and cider and wine. It's a good time.
- Lorissa and Gretchen
- My friend Gretchen inspired me to make extra buttery and gooey rice crisy squares, I made them last night, and it was well worth the stomach ache I had when I went to bed because they were delicious.
- John sending me to get a prenatal massage. It was so wonderful.
- John taking the kids and letting me sit in Borders to read magazines and listen to music for a couple hours.
- Camera Obscura, I love their music right now.
- After crawling out of the bedroom in pain and moaning about how much my butt and leg hurt, Jack through the day would look at me in concern and say tenderly "mommy I'll help your butt."

2006-10-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

John goes back to work on Thursday. Yesterday the tears started flowing. When John is home we aren't the type of coupled who get sick of each other, and need our space,well ok, sometimes but I don't secretly wish he would be at work, and we could just go back to a normal schedule. We have fun. Even though this last month and a half has been anything but fun, we have had lots of fun, mixed in with lots of pain. In our almost 7 years of marriage, with lay offs (2), 2 kids which John got to take leave for, and with this motorcycle crash, we have gotten to spend months together at a time. Everytime he goes back to work it's is so hard, it's like my best friend is leaving me and I'm going to be all alone. Of course that is not really the case, he does come home every night and all, but it's not the same as having him there all the time. So anyway, I have 2 days left and everytime I think about Thursday coming I get a little sad, ok yesterday it was a lot sad, but I'm pulling the pregnancy hormone card and saying I'm so weepy (ok sobbing in the bathroom) because I'm 8 months pregnant. Ok all of a sudden I don't know where I'm going with all this. I've been up since 4 unable to sleep, and now I'm finally getting sleepy again, though I know the kids are about to wake up, so I can't go back to sleep. Anyway, I 'm just am going to miss my John.

(alright I know that was the most confusing, abrupt, wierd post ever, sorry about that, thanks for reading my sleep deprived ramblings anyway)

Grateful Friday

2006-10-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

1. Our kids. They are so different, Jack more serious and worrisome, Stella more mischievous and defiant.
2. Nutella, my new love, God bless Nutella, sweet sweet Nutella.
3. John has another interview today, he's at it right now. Despite being all beat up the last few weeks he has done such a fantastic job of pushing through and still looking for work.

4. A marriage class at church the other night reminded me to love John for his differences and not try to change him.
5. Watching Stella try and ride her 5 inch tall horse. She gets so frustrated, I try and tell her that it's to small but she just doesn't get it.
6. All of you who take time to leave comments and always make me feel like a million bucks.
7. Finally getting some books on birthing and refreshing myself about some of the details of labor and breathing, I love looking at all the beautiful photos of moms with their newborns in one of the books.
8. Our friend Steve making me a CD of my all time favorite singer Tori Amos, just to encourage me.
9. The rain a couple days ago, and up in placerville yesterday when we went to Apple Hill.
10. The cool night air coming in our bedroom window at night.

Time

2006-10-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

Time is running out for John being home. Next Thursday the Dr. said will be his first day back to work. He'll only have to be there about 2 1/2 weeks though, that is when his job officially lets everyone go. He still hasn't been offered a job, but we are holding out hope for one in Walnut Creek, we are expecting to hear from them soon, but he has another interview on Friday with someone else, so at least he is still getting bites.

We've been trying to squeeze in as many day trips as possible since our days together are coming to an end. Yesterday we went to our local park and John took a zillion pictures of pregnant me, which I love because I'm usually the one trying to snap a photo of myself, and it can get a little awkward. Today we are going over to a nature reserve (preserve?) and having a picnic.

Tomorrow we might head up to Apple Hill, eat some apple pie and look at all the crafts. Have I told you all lately how much I LOVE my family? I do, so much. They are everything to me. It's so cool having this baby because it is letting me relive the births of Jack and Stella. As much as I don't want any more kids after this one, I can't imagine that this will be the last time I'm pregnant. It's truly amazing to be carrying around this little life inside me. With all the discomforts and extra weight and strech marks, I love my body, I love standing in the bathroom and looking at my big belly and breasts, knowing that just beneath the surface is a living breathing baby that John and I made. Wondering who this little person will be, wondering (still) what we are going to name it, wondering if is a boy or girl, wondering so many things.

Grateful Friday

2006-09-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

1. Watching Jack and Stella watch this video over and over again, every time the garbage gets dumped over Jack gets all excited.
2. Eating Ice Cream at night.
3. Watching Project Runway in bed at night with John, and knowing that he really likes it as much as I do.
4. My new skirt from Target.
5. Laughing at the stories my sister tells, (today it was about her new hair color fiasco)
6. The lady who offered to help me put my groceries in the car a couple weeks ago.
7. My kids asking to watch their Fraggle Rock video everyday.
8. John telling me that last night he found Jack snuggled next to Stella in her bed.

2006-09-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

Stella's birthday was on Friday. She's 2 years old now. I can hardly believe it. I wish you all could know her, she is the funniest little girl. She is brave, and silly, and loving. This year we had her party at a park and it was fun.
I skipped my grateful Friday this week, I've just been busy, but I'll get it up this Friday. John is doing really great. He right wrist, left shoulder and elbow are healing great, he goes in for surgery for his lift arm tomorrow afternoon. In the morning he has an interview at a company he really wants to work for. It's his third interview so we are hoping maybe they will make an offer. That would be so great, even though it would mean we would have to move, that makes me sad, but it will be worth in the long run.

Nap Time

2006-09-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's 12:30 and that means as soon as I'm done writing this I'm putting Stella down for a nap and then taking one myself. Having John home has been great for my naps. I can go into the bedroom shut the door while Jack and John watch a movie on the couch. I usually don't really fall into a deep sleep, more like a weird inbetween kind of rest, but I still love just snuggling in bed and relaxing anyway. I had my midwife appointment today. Everything looks great. Heart beat is strong, and she predicted a boy, which is what I think it might be too. All those who venture to guess say it's a boy by the way I'm carrying. In my mind I'm saying it's probably a boy, but in my heart I secretly hope we get a surprise and it's a girl, though I'd be equally happy with both. Ok I'm tired off to my nap. Have a good day all.

Grateful Friday

2006-09-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

1. Watching Jack explore. In these pictures he found some slugs and watched them and eventuality picked them up and put them in his bug container for awhile before releasing them back into the wild

2. Everyone's kind heart felt comments. They really encouraged me and John. Thank you all so much. John is doing much better now.

3. Being home, John has been able to actually spend a lot of time looking for work. He had an interview yesterday with "the" company he wants to work for, he though it went great so hopefully we'll hear from them soon.

4. Listening to Stella sing along to "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree."

5. We are so busy, dealing with hospital stuff, pregnancy stuff, work stuff, we have been constatnly on the go, it's been hard but at the same time really great to spend so much time with John.

6. Survivor started last night, and Amazing Race starts on Sunday, 2 of my favorite shows.

7. The weather has been so cool and crisp, I'm so ready for winter.

8. Another mid-wife appointment on Monday next week, I love these.

Intensity

2006-09-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

Everything in my life seems to be magnified right now. We feel the pressure of time, pressure to find a job, pressure to heal and have the Dr. give the Ok for John to go back to work, pressure to get all this figured out before the baby is born. Our due date is November 29th, I don't think I've mentioned that yet. I feel pressure to try to stay calm for the kids, for the baby, to make sure I carry full term. Our emotions are full and strong ranging from hope, to depression. I look at Jack and Stella right now and feel strong intense love for them. Last night I had a dream we were driving fast and busted through the guard rail into the ocean below. I remember my heat stopping, sinking, realizing it was over, but we all made it, we floated to the beach and were all fine. In my heart I really know everything is going to be alright, but I can't help but feeling scared that we'll run out of money, or that stress is hurting my growing baby, or that John won't find a job. When he was in the hospital our friend Jeff came and visited, before he left we all prayed together. As he prayed he said that these are the times that we will remember our whole life, that we will tell our children about how we got through them. He said these are the times that build our character and make us stronger people. The good times are great, but we really grow as people during the hard times. As he prayed this I nodded my head and knew he was so right. I hope I'm not bumming you guys out, I promise happy posts to come.

Grateful Friday

2006-09-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

30 weeks pregnant

The day after John's accident our friends took the kids overnight and I came home to an empty house. It was late and I was tired and I'd never ever been without John at night. I was lonely, and sad. I saw my reflection as I passed by a mirror and realized I wasn't alone, I had this little baby right there with me. I grabbed Jacks Spider man and Stella's froggie and slept on John's side of the bed holding all of my babies and slept in peace.

Today I'm grateful for:
- John recovering nicely
- Our friends and family who have shown us so much love
- Jack and Stella who despite everything going on have remained their silly little selves and make us laugh
- A healthy pregnancy
- My friend Gretchen for being there for me yesterday when I had a breakdown
- John has a phone interview today

Truck vs. Scooter

2006-09-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

John has a scooter. You've all seen them I'm sure, with gas prices sky high lots of people are riding them now. The Vespa is a classic, but there are many brands out there. John owns a Barron. It's been a great commuter bike, leaving me with the car everyday. That is until this weekend. As John drove home from work he was hit by a truck. He bounced off the truck, tumbled through the air, and landed on the asphalt. He layed there in oncoming traffic, watching as distant cars got closer and closer, he tried to roll and scoot to the center lane. People showed up quickly and helped. A man called me at home, leaving a message with his cell phone #, but the last 2 digit's got got off and I was left hanging, knowing only that John was about to be taken away in an ambulance. I swept the kids off and drove his usual route home. I found him as they were putting him in the ambulance. It was scary, he was scared and hurt. He ended up with a fractured shouler, elbow, and forearm. He also fractured his right wrist and chipped his knee capp, plus just being brused and battered from it all. His home for the last 4 days has been the Trauma Nursing Unit at UC Davis Hospital. They took great care of him and today we are all home. Our family and friends have gone above and beyond helping me with the kids. Thank you!!! We are so grateful to everyone, we are also so grateful he got away without more serious injures. Even today his nurse told us he was lucky, just across the hall were 2 other motorcycle accidents and they were in bad shape. I'm happy he is home and know he will be back to his normal self soon.

Grateful Friday

2006-09-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

- My appointment with Ruth my midwife on Tuesday went great. I'm getting more and more excited. When she said I was coming back in 3 weeks instead of 4 and then after that they would get closer together I couldn't believe it. When she said that I realized I don't have that much longer yet. At other times I feel like I have an eternity left.

- Spending the morning with my mom yesterday. She once again bought us clothes and lunch. When John came home I told him and he just shook his head and said how grateful he is that our family's can help when times are a little tougher. I'm so grateful for my mom, just the small things like being able to wear a new pair of pants or a new shirt make me feel so good. I know that sounds so material, and it is I guess, but when I'm feeling huge and sloppy, a new outfit somehow changes more that just my outside appearance. Thanks mom.

- Feeling the cool morning air every morning when I take the garbage out.

- Watching the VMA's last night. I love award shows.

- Making Risotto last night and having it actually turn out tasting good. I'm made it in the past and for some reason it is always inedible. I used Barely instead of Arborio rice and it was very good.

- Jack's friend Maya is turning 4 tomorrow, Jack has been talking about her party all week.

- Blue cheese.

State Fair

2006-08-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

Friday night we went to the state fair. It was our first time taking the kids at night, and it was by far the best time we've ever had. There was music everywhere, we danced, saw the Village People put on a show, and watched fireworks.

Stella eating a corndog, she dives right in, Jack picks off all of the cornbread first and then eats the hotdog.
Jack LOVED the petting zoo, he was hysterical to watch, he loved when the little goats would run around him and bump into him.

We took our yearly family photo booth photos, they turned out great, I'll share them with you all later this week.
The Incredible Hulk (aka Lou Fregno) I had a hard time getting a clear picture because John kept jabbing me in the back pushing me closer to him saying franticaly "get closer" as he shoved me in the back. I took a trillion pictures and most were blurry, this was the best, Hulk scratching his nose. When we got home I commented to John that Mr. Hulk seemed a little short and grumpy with all the people shoving to see him and sign autographs, he barley talked and just nodded his head at times after people gushed for 5 minutes. Then John reminded me that the man is deaf and it all made sense. Though I really would'nt blame him for looking at these people a little funny, some of them were so silly, one young lady said she had memorized everything he had ever done..weird.
And finally, before fireworks we went to the New Orleans patio, ate beignets and danced, the kids got down and were the best dancers out there.

Grateful Friday

2006-08-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

1. Spending a great day with my mom. It started out with a shopping spree at Mervin's for the kids, and desperatly needed walking shoes for me (can you believe I wear size 10 now? YIKES, I had been walking in size 9 1/2 and my heels were paying a big price) Then we went out the Counsumnes river Nature Preserve. It was so beautiful, lots of walkways over water, trees and animals. Then we went at ate at my sisters restaurant, it was delicious and it was fun having her wait on us hand and foot :) (just kidding), she did give a great discount, Thanks Heidi, and thanks mom for everything.

2. As I drove home from our day with mom, both kids fell asleep so I cranked up the radio and Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake came on, and then London Bridge by Fergie, I enjoyed my self fully hopping around in my seat.

3. We're going to the California State Fair tonight. We usually go during the day, but we wanted to see the carnival rides all lit up at we ride on the Monorail, plus it will be cooler

4. I feel really close to John lately.

5. I won a free movie ticket from Blingo.

6. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you". I have this written up on our chalk board and I must read it 30 times a day. Stress creeps back on so easily, I read this and take a deep breath and try and let go.

7. My baby is moving so much, I'm obsessed with thinking of names, everywhere I look I see names and I'm always looking for good ones.

8. We watched "Elizabeth Town" last night and loved it. It made me think if my relationship with my dad and how I wish so much we were closer.

9. Date night on Saturday, we are going to see "Lady in the Water" finally, and then walk around downtown.

10. Taking walks with the kids to "the jungle"(a big bush that is pretty much blocking the sidewalk, we peek in and look for monkeys.) down the street.

2006-08-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Another day of breaking up fights. They will fight over anything and everything. Stella likes to grab Jack's toys while he's playing with them and run. They are actually pretty quite at the moment. I asked them to go pick up all their toys and put them in the toy box. I'm sure there is more playing going on in there than cleaning, but at least they aren't hitting each other.

Tonight my mother in law is coming over for dinner. The kids always love spending time with her, but you know I'm in a frenzy trying to get the house looking halfway decent. I guess sometimes it's a good thing we don't live in a very big place. Stella is about to go down for a nap now, and I already have dinner preped, so I'm looking forward to just laying on the couch for a bit. After that I'll focus more on the house and dinner.

Grateful Friday

2006-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

1. Stella loves being in front of the camera, it makes picture taking easy.

2. Jack is doing great potty training, 5 days in and he is telling me when he has to go, he even had an accident free day.

3. Stella has made the trasition from Pack-n-play to bed for naps pretty smoothly.
4. Ricotta cheese, fruit, cinnamon and honey for dessert. Yum!!

5. Feeling the baby move every day.

6. My mom just called a second ago and has volunteered to come over and do my dishes and bring donuts and coffee, after a night were both kids were up at 2 am wide awake, me laying with Jack on the couch, and John with Stella in her bed, I can not tell you how awesome I feel about my mom, I wish you all could live close and be close to your family.

7. Even though John looking for work has been stressful and emotional we feel like there is hope and a job out there. I'm grateful he still has 2 more months before he is actually out of work.

8. My friend Lorissa calling yesterday just to tell me she was thinking of me, when I hung up the phone I felt loved.

9. I just finished the book "Holy Cow" by Sarah Macdonald. It's about her time spent in India. Travel journals are my favorite type of book, and this is my new favorite. It reminded of me of the 2 weeks John and I spent in Manila, Philippians. It reminded me of all the things I have that most of the world does not, and that I'm truly truly rich.

10. Jack's little bottom in Superman underwear, it's the cutest thing EVER!!!

The Edge

2006-08-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days where I feel like I just can't take any more. The kids have been fighting all day, I have a headache, and the house is a terrible mess. I woke up this morning so tired I just didn't think I would be able to get out of bed. I did though, and now I just wish I hadn't. Do I get any sick days with this job? Ug, I knew it would be hard being pregnant and still keeping up with the kids and the house, but it's REALLY REALLY hard. I have this urge lately to clean, to throw junk away, to organize. Am I nesting already? I had that thought this morning as I went through both bathrooms tossing bottles and trinkets into the trash. Eventually completely redecorating one of the bathrooms. Yesterday it was a shelf in my closet and the craft cupbord. I still have over 3 months left so I'm not sure that's it. Maybe just an need for order amongst the chaos I feel like my life is right now.

Our Weekend In San Francisco

2006-08-14T08:31:00.000-07:00

We had such a great time this weekend. The kids stayed with our friends and John and I were alone to explore the great city of San Francisco.

The small things like just sitting outside a cafe drinking a coffee and eating a pastry and watching the people go by were some of the moments we cherished the most.
It seems like everyone in San Francisco owns a little dog. They were all pretty cute, they were even allowed in lots of the cafe's and I even saw one in a restaurant we ate in.

On Saturday we went to the Museum of Modern Art. We are always up for seeing some strange contemporary art and we weren't disappointed.

Saturday night we went to eat at Millennium. It was so incredibly good, even John my meat loving fool, really loved it. We got the best seat too, right by the window so we could watch all the people at shoe level walk by, San Francisco is truly awesome for people watching.

The Dahila's are in bloom in Golden Gate park, they were so perfect. These flowers always remind me of Dr. Suess

And finally I leave you with a window of meat. It was on display for a restaurant called Harris by our hotel. We looked at the menu and plates started at $40, there was even a steak for $75.

We had such a fun time together, it was nice to just be with John and take our time eating and talking. It's life back to normal now, I'm starting potty training Jack again this week. So far it's been 1 and 1/2 hours and no accidents, of course I'm making him go every 20 minutes or so, but I'm happy at the start.

San Francisco Here We Come

2006-08-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

We're leaving today for our weekend away. I am so so so so so excited, and yet also have that pull in my heart about leaving my kids. We couldn't trust anyone more than Jeff and Gretchen with our kids, I think it's just that I wouldn't be there to comfort them if they get scared, or kiss them at night. I know it will all be ok though. John and I need this time away, work stuff and finding a job has been stressful lately, and now is the perfect time for us to just step away and be with each other. I wish you all a wonderful weekend. This week I'm grateful for my friends and family, for God and the bible, and for a weekend away.

(This photo is of Jack and Stella and their adorable cousin Hallie who just turned 3 years old)

White Girl Booty Shake

2006-08-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

This morning, knowing I wouldn't have time to go on my walk this evening, while the kids were watching a cartoon, I went into our bedroom and turned on the sports/fitness channel on our cable. There were a few choices, yoga, bellydancing, cardio, and Afro-Brazilian dance. Can you guess which one I picked? Noooo, not the yoga.... I, being not of sound mind and definitely of big bellied body chose Afro-Brazilian dance. As I was hopping around "plowing the field" and shaking my booty like Beyonce, I kept glancing back at myself in the mirror and realized for maybe the first time that I just really have no rhythm. I'm sure all my friends and family who have seen me bust a move already knew it. I think I had a vision of me grooving around and looking all hip, but now I see that I just really look stiff and a lot silly. Maybe it was just the genre of dance "Afro-Brazilian" (yea that's it) that I just can't get, because I think when I'm dancing to Shakira or Black Eyed Peas, I surely can't look this bad. Note to self: If our African neighbors ever invite us to a party and there is dancing.. run...they will stare, it will be bad.

(I do have to say that I think my butt was made to do the Beyonce Afro-Brazilian booty shake, I was quite impressed with how easily I could jump that thing around, though I'll just keep that move to the confines of my home, something about a pregnant white girl shaking her booty around in public might look funny.

Outside

2006-08-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

My goal everyday is to get outside. I want the kids to play outside during the day, and in the evening I want to get outside and go for my walk. Sometimes both happen, sometimes neither happens. I've started walking regularly again, well sort of. I made 4 out of 7 days last week, which is better than the week before, which what 0 out of 7. What stops me? by the end of the day, I'm just tired. It's so important to me to be somewhat fit going into new motherhood, and so far my body seems to be forming into a ball of blubber and baby. I'm trying though, and I'm also trying not to freak out about my expanding arms and butt. I have a feeling I've written about this before, or maybe it's just that it's constantly on my mind so it just feels like I'm always talking about my expanding body. Anyway, yesterday as I stepped out the door a kamikaze bee, or wasp, or some stinging creature dived at me and stung the top of my ear. At first I thought my Ipod electrocuted me, but then I reasoned out that it was a sting. I briefly considered letting this injury stop me from starting my week with a walk, but I didn't, I walked, stinging ear and all. I know your impressed. I'm going for at least 5 out 7 this week, hear that you stinging flying pests, you can't stop me, I'm on a mission.

(ps. what this has to do with my mushroom photo I don't know. )

Grateful Friday

2006-08-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

I took this photo of Stella and myself on a beach in Monterey. I cracked up when I saw the photo afterwards.

1. John and I talking last night about our marriage, we feel a little like we are getting lost in work and child raising, so we are going to put some extra effort in to make sure him and I have a great relationship. Drifting along is so easy to do, yet we've found that it's dulled our relationship. I look forward to renewing our friendship, having fun, and keeping our love for each other exciting.

2. The cable guy finally came!! We love Direct TV, but Comcast has a good deal right now, so why not save a few bucks.

3. Mangos. I'm on a fruit kick right now. I especially love Mangos, which have never been my favorite before.

4. I chopped Stella's bangs really really short. I meant for them to be pretty short, but they ended up being a tad shorter than I had envisioned. I kept trying to get them straight and they kept getting shorter and shorter. When I first I looked at her after I finally forced myself to put the scissors down I shook my head in disbelief, but then she started running around being her goofy little self and they seem perfect to me, a little funny just like her.

5. Our weekend away is only one week away.

6. Our new routine in the morning. Get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush our teeth, paint or draw and learn a letter, go outside. I know this is not groundbreaking stuff, but I'm seeing if a little more structure makes my kids and myself have a happier morning.

7. I see Jack is happier lately, less whining and arguing, more smiles and cheerfulness.

8. My friend Gretchen is pregnant. She and I have been pregnant together now for the third time.

2006-08-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently Elmo likes Jacks egg yolks more than he does, every time I give Jack a hard boiled egg, this is where I find Jack's yolk.

Weekend Update

2006-07-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

Good grief!! Blogger is giving me troubles today. I had a whole other post written out, but was having trouble editing one of the pictures, so I had to erase it. Anyway, we spent the weekend watching Maya and Mason (aka "The Chomper"). We have an super fantastic deal with our buds Jeff and Gretchen. We trade weekends away every so often. They took off to have some time together, while we watched the kids. We had a great time playing in their backyard, jumping on their gigantic trampoleen (I think John likes it as much as the kids). Sunday the last day was the hardest. It started out with Stella tumbling down their flight of stares as I watched from the top step, unable to do anything but watch her roll down, scream, and run after her. Thankfully and miraculously, she was not hurt, even though she hit the hard wood floor at the bottom. She fell like a little professional stunt baby, rolling all the way down, arms tucked in. It was, I think, the scariest thing I've gone through as a mom. To see her falling, and have no control, it seemed to happened in slow motion when I think back on it. Overall though the weekend was a success. Maya and "The Chomper" were super. We look forward to our own weekend away in a couple of weeks.

Grateful Friday

2006-07-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

1. Seeing Jack's smile when he heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time.
2. My mom's surgery went well, and she is recovering nicely.
3. Watching my nieces this week, I love watching all of them play together.
4. Kissing my kids sweaty heads at night after they fall asleep.
5. Staying at our friends house this weekend and watching their kids, it will be fun pretending we are home owners with a big backyard in a new neighborhood for a couple of days.
6. Fit Pregnancy magazine.
7. Feeling inspired and motivated to get walking again after reading an article in my magazine.
8. John watching the kids last night so I could get out of the house by myself for a couple of hours.
9. The weather cooling down slightly.
10. Anticipating watching "Lady in the Water" tomorrow night.

Today's To-Do List

2006-07-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

1. Return the Australian toaster biscuits I bought at the store the other day. I opened the package when I got home and there was mold on every single one of them. I was so sad because at that moment I was craving a toaster biscuit with butter and orange marmalade on it. John would have just said to cut the little piece of mold out, but I don't believe in doing that, I really think the whole thing is contaminated with mold even if I only just see a speck of it.

2. Return the library books. We have about 25 checked out and I got the dreaded automated call from the library lady yesterday saying we have overdue books. I usually do so good about returning books on time, but on occasion time gets away from me. oops

3. Go get a nice cool drink and head to the park with the kids. We need to get out of here by 9:00 though or it will just be too hot.

4. Go to Michaels and get some craft supplies. They are having the "Dollar Days" this week so I'm stocking up.

5. Have the kids make a "Get Well" poster for my mom.

6. Make dinner. I'm so proud of John, he's been trying hard lately to eat healthier. Last night his comment at dinner was "mmm this is pretty good for a vegetarian dish"....I decided to take this as a complement.

7. Read "Three Junes" during nap time.

8. Visit mom in hospital, bring her the poster we made. My mom went into surgery this morning, I hope to put a couple pictures of the kids on the poster too, it's always nice to have familiar faces to look at in dreay hospital rooms.

9. Watch Project Runway. I was sad when Milan got booted, I was a little annoyed by him at first, but he grew on me in one episode, and by the end I almost cried along with him as he said his parting words.

Community

2006-07-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

The family we share a duplex with is from Africa. Last week Wangui's father in Kenya died. She is a lovely quiet woman with a thick accent. The day we found out her father died is the day when the non stop visitors began next door. They belong to a tight community like I have never seen in any church or social group ever. People have been pouring into that house with food and hugs contiually since last week. On Saturday night there seemed to be a party going on. We could smell goat on the bbq and people were milling around everywhere talking and eating. We thought it was some traditional African funeral feast, or some sort of farewell party for the father who had passed. The next day though we learned it was more practical, a fundraiser for the family so they could go back to Africa this week and be with the family. Yesterday I brought the family a cake I made, as I walked over and entered the garage I was greeted by 20 or so African men sitting in a circle in Geoffrey's garage. I stopped, a little taken back by all the eye's on me. I quickly searched for Geoffrey and asked for Wangui. He said to go right in. As I made my way through the middle of this group of men I was greeted with warm smiles and comments about the cake I'd made, thank you's, and a feeling of welcome. As I stepped into their house a woman was in the kitchen cooking the most wonderful smelling food. The kitchen was filled with dishes and pots and pans and this woman cooking looked up with a warm smile and said hello. I could tell that Wangui and her family were being taken care of in a way I've never seen before. The women were surrounding Wangui with love and support almost 24 hours a day, while the men surrounded Geoffery and lifted him up while he supported his wife. I used to arrogantly and naively think that this kind of love and support was only found in the church I attended. What I've seen and learned though is that a deep sense of brotherhood and love can be found in many places. I feel a deep happiness seeing the love next door, it also makes me think about how much more I can be there for my friends when they are in need.

Grateful Friday

2006-07-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

- Sitting in the park this morning at 7:45 reading a book, sipping a coffee, and eating a treat while my kids played....it was peaceful and quiet.
- 3 new books to read "Three Junes", "Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress", and "Holy Cow".
- It's Friday.
- Air conditioning when it's 106 outside.
- John's help with the kids in the evening.
- Watching Jack and Stella play in the sprinklers.
- Finding a cheaper cable package.
- Watching Project Runway.
- Cherry granola over yogurt.
- Our weekend away in 3 weeks. We're going to San Francisco and I can't stop thinking about it.
- Our babysitting Co-Op, it's a wonderful thing.

Jack

2006-07-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Jack is my sensitive little man. He likes things a particular way and if things are in disorder or not going his way, he will inevitably break down crying. He will line his cars up in a perfect row, stand back and look at them, and then pat his flat hand along the side of them to line them up even more perfectly. I love these little quirks about him.

Jack is also my little chatterbox. Before we could even really understand what he was saying, he used to come up to the side of our bed in the morning and, with his little eye's peaking over the edge of the bed deliver a speech about, we were never sure what, but he was passionate about it, using hand movements and everything. He loves to use his hands when he talks, I'm not sure where he got this from, but it's very very cute.
I love my little boy more that I can say. Even just writing about him right now I have a lump in my throat. I feel like I love him more than anyone has ever loved anyone.

I love that he loves being outside, and that he loves Japanese animation. I love that he loves drawing monsters and sidewalk drains, and I love that when he gives hugs he gives them in a certain order: Hugs, squeeze, kiss, hug, and that he says each of those words as he does it. I wish you all could meet him, he would probably hide behind me for awhile but once you got to know him he would be the highlight of your day.

Circle

2006-07-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

Joleen's awesome idea. A week of shapes.

Grateful Friday

2006-07-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

- Toast with orange marmalade and butter
- Our trip to Monterey
- John's company extending his lay off date by 2 months and offering an even bigger bonus for staying the whole time
- Hanging out with my friend Gretchen and her kids on Tuesday
- Regal theaters "family film festival" offering free movies on Tuesday's at 10
- Mom coming over on Wednesday and watching a movie with Jack while I took a nap for the first time in a month
- Pandora a fun music station that makes up radio stations for you for the kind of music you like
- Cookie magazine
- This picture of Jack, it shows exactly how he feels about me taking his picture these days
- Watching "Hustle and Flow" with John last night and both of us enjoying it

Head Butts and Biting

2006-07-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

This sweet innocent looking little angel (though looking at this picture I do see a hint of mischief in that little smile) has perfected the art of head butting. Jack taught her the basics, aim your head at a body part and plow in, but Stella has taken it to another level. First of all we aren't sure where Jack learned this painful little skill, but he started doing it to Stella a couple of weeks ago. Time outs and a few little spankings have slowed them down a bit though. Stella however in the last day or so has shown that she not only picked the maneuver up from Jack but has perfected it. First I saw her head butt Jack in the chest. Instead of just bending over and running, she actually gets close to Jack, grabs his shoulders, bends her head and forcefully slams it into his chest. Yesterday was the worst, she actually stood before Jack, grabbed his head on each side by the ears and slammed her head into his. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY SWEET LITTLE BABIES!! It's like wrestlemania over here. Twice yesterday Stella bit Jack, once on the nose, leaving marks, and once on the arm. Sometimes I feel like a referee all day, breaking up fights, trying to keep blood from flowing out of one kid or another. Today I'm aiming for at least a head butt and bite free day, I have a feeling they will still think up new ways to hurt each other, but at least I have a place to start.

Self Portrait Challenge:"Portrait of".....An Expanding Body

2006-07-11T07:54:00.000-07:00

5 WEEKS

20 WEEKS

Ok, you have to give my a tiny break in this second picture I had just gotten up about 10 minutes before. I'm feeling more pregnant now. I generally have super easy pregnancies but if I had to rate them I'd say this is the hardest on me so far. No problems at all, just feeling a lot more tired. Jack isn't taking naps anymore and constantly bending over has caused some major back pain. When I get up in the morning my body is stiff and achy and by the evening my back hurts and I'm exhausted. I know this is all because I have Jack and Stella running around now, and I'm not really getting a break during the day. WA WA WA, ok enough whining. LOOK AT THAT AMAZING BELLY. Isn't it incredible there's a BABY in there!! I've felt lots of kicks and I've taken to calling the baby Elvis (Mainly because John refuses to let us name the baby Elvis if it's a boy, who doesn't like the name Elvis? It's a classy name!! ) More self portraits here

Monterey

2006-07-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

Monterey is one of my favorite places. We spent the last couple days there enjoying the beach and the aquarium.

The kids loved the aquarium, I especially liked the jelly fish and the tuna at feeding time.
I think our favorite part was getting to hang out at the beach for 3 whole days. It is truly a joy watching Jack and John make sand forts and watching Jack run from the waves. Stella is always scared at first and then she gets into it and likes throwing sand all over the place.

My mom and Heidi came up and joined us for the aquarium and the beach. It was fun having them with us to play on the beach. Jack LOVED playing with grandma in the water, and Stella LOVED hanging with Heidi, throwing sand all over her.
Cannery Row is always nice to walk down, with all the little shops and galleries. This otter scared my kids. Jack hid behind my skirt and Stella just snuggled into Heidi and stared at him.
It was a beautiful, fun, relaxing trip. I'm reading to go back already. Hope you all have a nice weekend.

Happy 4th of July

2006-07-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

Hope you all are having a super 4th of July so far. We spent the morning at my mother-in-laws. The things my kids love most about visiting her is the rides they get on her motorized scooter. John and the kids zipped all over her apartment complex. MaryAnn then made us a huge lunch, it was a fun time.

Tonight we are keeping the kids up late and going to watch a big fireworks show out on a local levee. I love watching the kids reaction, so far they have just been scared, but I think this year they might really like it. Have a fun 4th everyone.

Grateful Friday

2006-06-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

Look at this baby!!! isn't this the CUTEST little baby you've ever seen. PERFECT!!

Look at this little foot, isn't it the SWEETEST little foot you've EVER layed eyes on?

I'm grateful for:
- Seeing our little baby for the first time and having the technician say everything looks perfect.
- Every time I hear the baby's heart beat.
- John and I being strong and not letting the ultrasound lady tell us what the gender is (we caved in a the last moment with Stella and found out).
- Heidi my sis watching Jack and Stella during my appointment.
- New books from the library "Last child in the woods" and finally "The devil wears Prada".
- Getting to hang with my friend Lorissa this weekend and go see "The devil wears Prada".
- Summer skirts.
- Wiki Wiki Tiki Hut juice bar, they are new in town and sell yummy healthy drinks and sandwiches.
- My new little flower garden.
- That sweet yummy soft Hawaiian bread in the orange wrapper.

Something New

2006-06-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

A POEM

There was a child went forth every day

And the first object he look'd upon, that object he became,

And that object became part of him for the day or a certain part of the day,

Or for many years or stretching cycles of years.

The early lilacs became part of this child,

And grass and white and red morning glories, and white and red clover;

and the song of the phoebe-bird,

And the Third-month lambs and the sow's pink-faint litter;

and the mare's foal and the cow's calf,...

- Walt Whitman

A NEW BOOK

This is the new book I got yesterday (turns out "Surviving Ophelia" was in at the library but it was a cassette tape, I'll have to wait for that one). The above poem is what opens the book. I've only read the first five pages and I'm already inspired.

A NEW GARDEN

I finally was inspired by this lovely garden and went and got some flowers and planted them in our tiny garden. I love it, these pictures really don't show just how lovely this once ugly space is.

Happy Monday

2006-06-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

These little gnomes are sprinkler guards on the lawn down the street. Everytime we walk by I smile at them. The kids stop and yell "look Santa". I love them. We have an exciting week this week. John has an interview in about 40 minutes. He looked so handsome this morning in his suit. I know he'll do great. I have 2 appointments, one with my midwife and one for an ultrasound. We are waiting to find out the sex of the baby so this is just to make sure everything is a-ok in there.

On another note I've decided to finally give up trying to read "100 Years of Solitude". I've been trying on and off for a couple years now to read this book. I love the beginning and then just get lost in all the names and politics. So many people really love this book, and I wanted to love it too, I mean it DID win the Nobel Prize and everything. But I've been reading it for about a month solid now, every day, and I'm not even half way done with it. So today I'm going to jump around and see what happens and then I'm letting it go and moving on. I've grown attached to it, like a sibling I just can't get along with but really love. O-well, I think my next book with be "Reviving Ophelia" mainly because it's on my list of "to read" books and it is available at the library right now.

Grateful Friday

2006-06-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

- Finding a new playground with cool play structures.
- Watching the world cup, even though the US is out of it, I'm going to find the least likely team to win and cheer them on now.
- Oprah's Magazine July issue dedicated to summer reading.
- Getting a special card from my friend Lorissa inviting me to "The Cinematic Presentation" of The Devil wears Prada next Saturday.
- Laughing with my kids.
- John has an interview on Monday.
- My kids love meatless corndogs just as much as meaty corndogs.
- My weekly dates with John.
- The excitement of thinking I felt a little kick from the baby yesterday.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Pop Art" #3

2006-06-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

Me and my Ipod again. I'm running low on ideas and creative energy I admit. I do love my Ipod though.

My Life

2006-06-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

This picture really has nothing to do with this post, but Stella always acts so silly in from of the camera, I couldn't resist this photo. I've been feeling a little blog performance anxiety lately. What do I post, are people getting bored, why am I blogging, how much time do I really want to give to this? The answer to all of those is I don't know. I do know that I like writing little things now and then, and I love posting photo's that I like. I just think I'm going to slow my pace down a little, I'm not even sure what I mean by that. I know I feel stressed about our job situation and about my parenting lately. I feel pulled in a lot of areas right now. I guess I just want this to still be fun for me, and not feel pressure to have to figure out something to post. I always love looking at all of your blogs, I feel so encouraged and connected with so many of you. Anyway, I'm rambling I know, just venting a little, I just want to feel relaxed and lately I'm not feeling that way. I'm going to try and take the pressure off myself to try to write an interesting post , and just get back to why I was doing this in the first place, to document myself and my family's life right now. Somewhere along the way I think I lost my focus and wanted to start entertaining everyone who comes here, which is fine sometimes, but not all the time for me. I don't know if this is making any sense, but it feels good just to write it anyway. Have a great Fathers day everyone!!

16 weeks

2006-06-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

I had my first appointment yesterday with my midwife. It was so wonderful to walk into the birth center again. Jack was born there and it brought back so many memories, seeing all the same people working there. Ruth is my midwife and Alethea will be my doula/Ruth's helper, and Kathy will be the nurse who will attend. Those three do it all. My appointment went great. I got to hear the heartbeat. With all 3 babies I felt nervous until I heard the heartbeat, then a wave of comfort comes over me and I know my little one is really there and alright. We did lots of paperwork, going over my old file making sure info was still the same. The best part for me (besides hearing the heartbeat) was just being back at "The Birth Center". It's such a warm comfortable place. Really it looks just like a house but it was converted into clinic offices and the other half is a huge birthing room. So far this pregnancy has been pretty much just like the others, very smooth and easy. I think I was built to be pregnant of something because it's such a breeze for me. I really enjoy being pregnant (well at least up until the last couple months). This will be our last though. I know my limits and three is it.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Pop Art" #2

2006-06-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

Ok to be honest I'm really guessing as to whether my self portraits so far are pop art. I'm just sort of hoping they sort of look like it. This is me dancing. I love dancing but haven't been shaken it all that much lately. We are trying to have a no tv week over here, so maybe that will inspire me to put on some tunes.

Grateful Friday

2006-06-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

Ug, I'm feeling sooo tired and drained right now. The kids are both getting up a couple times a night lately, and I always am slow to get back to sleep, on top of that I woke up with Jack's cold this morning. I'm grateful that the kids are happily watching Max and Ruby right now so I can write this. I have my first appointment at the birth center this week. I'm so grateful to finally have insurance that will cover the expenses there (thanks medi-cal), and I'm grateful to finally get to have a check up. I can't wait to hear the little heart beat. The only thing I'm not looking forward to about seeing my midwife is the monthly weight check. For some reason when I'm pregnant I gain weigh very very easily. I watch what I eat and even probably eat less and so much healthier than usually, I exercise daily, and still pack on pounds. I've already gained 15 pounds and I'm only a little less than 4 months pregnant. And the really sucky part is my midwife is a real advocate for not needing to gain to much weight. So anyway I've been eating a lot of salads lately, which brings we to the next thing I'm grateful for sesame honey baked tofu. I slice it up and put it on my salad and it's so yummy. Lastly I'm grateful for Nina over at the wholeself sending me a beautiful little pin she made, as well as a cute little sewn card and some ribbon and also some little stickers for my kids. Thanks so much Nina, it was such a treat getting the mail that day.

2006-06-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

Ok As much as I love talking about myself and my family, I'm going to take a break for a minute and share something that moved me the other day. I was reading Marilyn's blog California Fever the other day and she had this video and information about what is going on in South Central LA with this community garden. I was so moved I really felt like I wanted to share it here. So here is the video.

For more information on how to help these farmers buy the land visit www.southcentralfarmers.org You may ask what the other side of the story is, as some on Maryln's blog did. I did a search on google and read a few things and it seems to me to be all about money, but you can do your own search if your interested. What moved me was looking at these farmers and their children, these people who rely on this land and have relied on it and worked it for food for the past 14 years. Don't we go to other impoverished countries and teach them about community gardens, how to grow food for themselves? So why when we are successful at doing it here, in the middle of a major city, in the ghetto, do we allow money and greed to destroy it. Marilyn's site has more info, and is probably a bit clearer than my ramblings, she has another video and a couple other links.
"This farm can be a shining example of what low-income residents can accomplish in blighted neighborhoods if they're just given use of a piece of land. We should celebrating their efforts, not destroying them. Please, please do whatever you can to help. If you're in Southern California, please consider going to South Central Farm to join the protest. The Farm is located at 41st Street and Alameda in Los Angeles. This should make it easy to find." (quote taken from Marilyn, thanks, hope you don't mind)

Self Portrait Challenge: "Pop Art" #1

2006-06-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Me and my ipod. I never knew I could be so in love with a little piece of metal. It holds all the songs I love. Every evening I go for a walk. I always take my ipod and hit shuffle. Sometimes I think there are supernatural forces picking the songs as I walk, many times they have been just the ones that I need to hear, or that get me walking faster just when I want to quit. You know that Ipod commercial where the people are walking along listening to their music and they look all calm and serene and then you see their shadow and it's going crazy dancing. That's exactly how I feel, so many times as I'm walking I'm really holding myself back and on the inside I'm dancing. Sometimes as soon as I walk in the door I just stand there and dance for a few minutes, I even got John to join me once. See more pop art self portraits here

Tumble Class

2006-06-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

Do you see him? He's the little guy in the red shirt looking away from the camera. HE'S HAVING FUN!!, by himself, without us, with TOTAL STRANGERS. Ok I know this is really a terrible picture, but you have to understand, parents were asked to leave so the kids could develop some confidence away from their parents. John had to crash the class and sit with Jack the first 10 minutes or so, he took a few minutes to warm up to the idea of jumping around with a bunch of kids he didn't know (hey, who wouldn't). Then John sort of inched his way out, and came and we took our undercover surveillance positions, out on the grass. I couldn't help but get choked up watching him jump around and shake his little booty, wave his hands in the air, and high five his teacher. My little boy it growing up, I could all of a sudden picture him in school, doing fine without me, and my heart froze a little. At the same time I was so proud of him, happy he did so well, had so much fun.

Grateful Friday

2006-06-02T08:04:00.000-07:00

- Had fun at the county fair
- Finished "My Friend Leonard", laughed, cried, loved it more than "A Million Little Pieces"
- Great Memorial day with friends, Jeff and Gretchen and Ron and Lorissa
- Next door neighbors and old friends delivered they beautiful babies
- I qualified for Medi-cal and can have our baby in the birth center I want
- Our giant new TV John won through work
- Hanging out in Starbucks last night and making new friends
- naptime
- my new "Fit Pregnancy" and "Domino" magazines.
- Talking and laughing in bed with John last night
- A smooth pregnancy so far

For You John

2006-05-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

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Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #5

2006-05-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

This is my High School Senior picture. I remember taking this photo, walking into the little trailer and sitting in the chair feeling awkward. I remember feeling pressure that this picture look good because I knew it was going to be in the yearbook. I was scared I would look my usual shlumpy self, and be forever remembered that way. When I first saw this photo, I was instantly in love with it. The person in it looks happy, and fun, and smart. She looks like she's a social genius and maybe would turn the head of a boy or two. In reality in highschool I was or at least felt like the opposite of all those things. I was insecure, fighting depression and scars from the past. I had a few friends but ate lunch alone for the first 2 years of highschool. I look back and wish I could go back more as the person I am today, I wonder how different it would be. Would I try out for soccer like I wanted to do but never did? would I go out with my friends and make even more? I'm sure It would be a entirely different experience. I'm happy overall with the way I've changed, what I'm even more excited about is seeing how much more I will change in the next 12 years.

Grateful Friday and Slow Down

2006-05-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

Molly over at Mollycoddle in a few posts back talked about slowing down and enjoying the moments of our day. I don't tend to have a lot of errands or things scheduled into my days, but I still find myself rushing through things. Like hurry up and make lunch and get the kids to bed, or hurry up and post this blog, or hurry up and clean this house before John gets home . My mind tends to be racing even if my body is not. Today I did have a few errands to run. My friend Gretchen watched the kids while I went to an appointment, usually after I would speed back to the kids, not wanting to inconvenience Gretchen(though she never makes me feel that way), not wanting to feel like I"m taking advantage. Well today after my appointment I decided to force myself to slow down and enjoy a moment. I went and sat at a park and watched the ducks and then I went over to the library and checked out a couple of books. It was only about 30 extra minutes, but they were mine and I enjoyed them. Thanks Gretchen and thanks Molly for reminding me to enjoy life.
1. Mary J. Blidge and Prince singing on the American Idol finale.
2. Finding my lost fuzzy warm hoodie stuffed behind the couch.
3. The "Sage Mountain" herbal school article in my latest Body and Soul magazine.
4. Dolly Partons voice.
5. Cranberry juice and 7up.
6. Gretchen watching my kids today while I go to see if I qualify for Medi-cal.
7. Molly reminding me to slow down and enjoy each moment this week.
8. Winning a bet with John and getting the "massage of my life" tonight.
9. Going to the county fair tomorrow.
10. Getting 2 books at the library today "My Friend Leonard" by James Frey and "As I Lay Dying" by Faulkner. It feels good to start reading again after a little reading break.

Self Portrait Challenge: "Introduce Yourself" #4

2006-05-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm three months pregnant now. I actually don't even feel pregnant at all. If it weren't for the fact that I've missed some periods and gained some weight I might think I'm not. I know that I am though, last night as I lay on my back I could feel the firm bump just below my belly button. I'm excited, constantly thinking of names. We pretty much have a girl name pinned down, but the boy name, whew!! it's tough. I'm just not falling in love with any of them. I know the perfect name is out there, it just hasn't come to us yet. I've been feeling a lot of anxiety, we are trying to figure out insurance and also look for work. I know that I really need to chill and let John take on that burden, and I want to, but I just am having a really hard time letting go. Last night as I lay in bed I started thinking about how all this stress is affecting the baby and it made me sad. I'm really going to try and focus on relaxing and trusting my husband and God. I more than anything want to enjoy this pregnancy and have a healthy happy baby. This will be our last one and I don't want to spend the whole time stressed. I'm really grateful for the nightly walks I go on when John gets home. I hit shuffle on my ipod and start walking , it's such a rejuvenating, relaxing time. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and keep it with me all day long.
More self portrait's here

Grateful Friday

2006-05-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

- Stella's smile
- Jack always putting his dishes in the sink after he eats
- Kids playing nicely with play-doh as I type this
- A beautiful Mother's day. Cards. Hugs. Wonderful food.
- Thanks mom for watching the kids so I could take John out for his birthday
- Old fashioned glazed donuts and cinnamon rolls, they make me happy
- I put my ipod on shuffle as I walked yesterday and the perfect songs came on
- Wearing skirts all summer
- My boobs are getting bigger :) (I'm pregnant for those who don't know,)
- The hippies won the amazing race
- Having the 2 best encouraging friends in the world, Gretchen and Lorissa.

Happy Birthday John

2006-05-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

John's birthday was yesterday. He decided to call in that morning to work and use a vacation day. A day off work to celebrate his birthday, perfect. John is an amazing man, he is the kindest hearted man you will ever meet. He is patient and adventurous, and a super father. The day before John's birthday the company he works for decided to outsource to India and move out of California, laying of the 500 or so people working here. John was included in that. He has until August 31st and then he'll be out of work. During all of this and for the last month when the rumors of layoff were flying about, John has stayed optimistic while I've worried and cried. He has always really been that way, in the face of hard times John shines. He is hopeful and faithful. We've been through this before. Right before I got pregnant with Jack ,John and I were layed off in a company wide layoff with WorldCom. He looked for nine months, worked a few temp jobs , and finally, was scheduled to start his new job (the one he was just layed off from) on the day Jack was born. It is hard expecting a new baby and being unemployed, it's even harder now that we have 2 already. I thank God for John and his devotion to his family, for his optimism, for his sense of humor. I know that we will make it through just fine. I love you babe.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #3

2006-05-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've never been really "high maintenance" when it comes to how I look, well at least with my hair and makeup. I remember growing up a phrase I heard often from my dad was "What happened, did you comb your hair with an egg beater". I didn't let myself go or anything when I became a mom, I was really always like this. What I mean is I really don't care if I leave the house without makeup on or not, and there has been more than one occasion where we are walking out the door to go to church or something and John will ask me nicely if I'm going to comb my hair. I know this sounds bad like I just have low standards, or am just lazy, or have low self esteem or something, which all might be slightly true, but the truth is I just think I look better most of the time a little messy. I can't for the life of me figure out what lip color looks good on me, and forget eye makeup, I just have no idea. I didn't inherit this from my family, my mom wears makeup all the time, and I rarely see my sister without her face nicely done up. I've grown comfortable with the natural look, but I'd also like to fancy myself up once and a while and feel like I know what I'm doing. I am getting a few more "are you ok, you look tired" comments than I used to. I may be finely forced into makeup by motherhood and age. Ok, I can accept that it was bound to happen sometime, so friends and family if you see me walking around with a hideous shade of pink lipstick on or mascara all over my face, please let me know, I'm new at this.

Grateful Friday

2006-05-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

Little Red Riding Hood doesn't look as stressed out as her cat does, but I bet she is. I'm so stressed by the idea of John loosing his job. We'll know by Tuesday. I want to relax and just trust God that it's all going to work out. But It's so hard. I have moments where I can just let go, have faith, and breath, but they are only moments. There is a small chance they won't be shutting down his whole site, and some will be spared, so we are holding onto that small hope. I'm really happy I started doing these grateful Fridays, because it really does make me realize that even when things aren't going great, I still have so much to be grateful for.

- My family, the immeasurable amount of love we feel for each other will get us through anything.
- Mothers day. I love this day, because I love my mom so much, and because I get treated special.
- My new Weleda Sea Buckthorn body oil. I love the citrus smell, and the hopes of no new streach marks with this pregnancy.
- The Hippies are still in the Amazing Race.
- My new sun hat.
- My new love of vegi sushi (is it still called sushi if there is no raw fish in it?)
- Cookie magazine.
- My sister's funny blog today.
- My kids love helping do the dishes and laundry.
- Orange Dream machine at Jamba Juice
- Pasta with Trader Joe's pesto, sun dried tomatoes, and sauted mushrooms.
- Talking to Heidi everyday.
- Cuddling with John at night.

comment: ha!!! irene's comment made me laugh. Ok it was my first time at a suchi place and since I'm pregnant I can't eat raw fish, so I ordered something fish free. Was it sushi? was it a srping roll? I don't know what it's called, but it looked like sushi looks. I'd like to say I ate sushi, so that is what i'm going to call it for now. It sounds so exotic and hip to say you eat sushi. It was on the sushi menu, it had a Japanese looking name, it had cold rice ....I ATE SUSHI PEOPLE!!!! :)

New shorts

2006-05-11T10:03:00.000-07:00

I made these shorts for Stella a few days ago. I love the material so much, I got it at a huge fabric rummage sale. I hope to make some pants for her with it next winter too. I think I might just stop going to sewing class. Really there are no formal lessons, you just come in with a project and get help with it. I really love it, but lately John has been gone so much taking care of his mom, by the end of the day I just really want to be home with him if he is here. I think I had a bit of a romantic view of what it meant to take care of our parents once they start getting old and needed help. The reality is it's really hard. It's not all, sitting around and chatting, and getting them a drink of water once in awhile. We really aren't even doing all that much for John's mom right now, but what we are doing seems overwhelming. Anyway I'm drifting from my original subject aren't I, oops. I guess maybe I'll need to make a "taking care of our sick parents post" sometime soon.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #2

2006-05-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

Name: Heather
Childhood Ambition: To be Cyndi Lauper. I distinctly remember telling my mom I was going to dress and look exactly like her when I grew up.
Fondest Memory: Our honeymoon in Maui
Soundtrack: Waking up to birds chirping in the morning, Joni Mitchell songs.
Retreat: Redwoods or big sur
Wildest Dream: Spend a month vacationing in Italy with John and the kids.
Proudest Moment: The birth of Jack and Stella
Biggest Challenge: Being in labor with Jack
Alarm Clock: Jack and 6am and Stella at 6:30am
Perfect day: John home, kids not whiny, trip to the ocean or woods, dinner alone with John.
First Job: Wendy's
Indulgence: Eating a big bowl of ice cream while watching America's Next Top Model.
Last Purchase: Weleda Sea Buckthorn Body Oil.
Favorite movies: Breakfast at Tiffanys, Chocolate, You've Got Mail, so many more.
Inspiration: John's sense of humor, playing with my kids, the forest, the ocean.
My Life: Is full of laughter, hugs, tears, walks, food, and family.

2006-05-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

We had an excellent weekend. Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers for my mother in law. She is doing great. Already calling us daily from the hospital room with requests. She is a spunky little lady with lots of life still in her. As for John's job we are still waiting to hear on that.

Saturday we went to Ancil Hoffman park. It's only 20 minutes away from us. Sacramento is such an amazing city. In the middle of it there is this huge nature preserved. We saw deer and wild turkeys, hiked for a couple hours and made our way to the river and threw rocks in.

We love it there, there are so many trails and things to explore.

Later on we took the kids to the park to fly kites. It was Jacks first time. It was so fun watching him, he would get really excited and let go of the string every time. It was hilarious watching John run after the string trying to grab it. By co-op the kids were so tired. John and I ate Japanese food and met some friends to walk around Old Sacramento. I love the weekends and am always a little sad when Monday comes along.

Grateful Friday

2006-05-04T12:08:00.001-07:00

I know it's only Thursday, but I'm not sure I'll be able to get on the computer tomorrow if it's anything like today. I just put the kids down for a nap, they have been especially winy and clingy the last couple days. It's been a bit stressful around here lately. John's mom has been having mini heart attacks for the last month. At least once a week we have gotten a panicked call from her needing to go to the ER, or her med-alert people have called saying she is on the way to the hospital. She finally got the tests she needed and it showed that her heart was all clogged up, barely working. This morning she went in for open heart surgery. She needed 5 bi-passes. She got out about 30 minutes ago and we aren't really sure how it went, only that she is alive. If that weren't enough family stress, John's work is threatening to close down their California office, so by the end of the month we will know if John will be layed off or not. UG!! Anyway I think all of this drama is stressing not only us out but the kids too. I do have so much to be grateful though for, so here is this weeks list.

- Maryann is out of surgery
- Getting to watch Easy Rider tomorrow night
- The smell of fresh oregano and thyme from our herb garden on my fingers
- Going to Fairy Tale Town with my friend Melissa and her kids yesterday
- My kids soft skin
- Salads at Chipotle
- Philipians 4:6-7

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Introduce Yourself" #1

2006-05-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

In introducing myself this month I could have started out with so many things. I'm a Christian, a wife, a reader, a dancer, a movie lover, a dork. I chose to start with mother though. Being a mother is what I've always wanted to be. Growing up my ambition wasn't a career it was to get married and have kids. I know that sounds old fashioned and maybe a little regressive to some but to me it was really what I wanted. I tried school and racked my brian trying to figure out what I wanted, people would ask what I was going to school for and I'd either make something up or just say I was still figuring it out. Really though in my mind I knew what I wanted and for awhile I just wouldn't admit it to anyone. I felt like I should have a higher ambition. The truth is now I know that this is the ultimate ambition. I know I can be anything I want to be, but right now I want to be and choose to be a mother.

Weekend Update

2006-05-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

- Friday was play in the mud day. It started with me watering the plants and snowballed into a gigantic mudfest. Unfortunately by the end of the day Stella had a fever and was sick. We met my family anyway at the theater to watch "Ice Age 2" for Jack's birthday and decided Jack is still a bit to young for the theater. He watched most of it but then just wanted to run around.

Saturday was Jack's birthday party. It ended up fun, but the beginning was pretty much torture for me. Image 8 adults silently standing around staring at each other while the kids ran in the bedroom to play. I felt panic, what was wrong with everyone? So about 10 minutes into the party I whisper to John that maybe we should start the game. Unfortunately the game bombed. I had put all my hope on the classic "pin the tale on the donkey" game, and it let me down big time. The problem was it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to play the game. Just as I was about to go lock myself in the bathroom and consider my escape options people started talking, eating, and seemed to be having a decent time.

I know part of the problem was that I could hardly do anything because Stella was a feverish whiny lump in my arms 95% of the party. At the end I know Jack had a good time. People got him some super fun gifts and all the kids had fun playing in the back yard. John and I however decided that next year we will be having the party at a different location, a park, "bouncetown", "chucky cheese", anywhere where I don't have to actually plan the activities.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK

2006-04-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

Today, 3 years ago, at 11:59 am, my little Jack was born. I went into labor Saturday around noon, we decided to go downtown and walk around while and enjoy the early parts of labor. By Saturday night I was having consistent strong contractions.
I labored through the night on into Sunday. By Sunday morning, I was in lots of pain, the contractions were about 4 minutes apart and very strong. We called our midwife, and she said it wasn't time yet. So I labored on. Sunday night I was exhausted, crying at times, and just knew I could not go through this much longer. John called out midwife, and yet again she said she thought it would be awhile longer. I cried, in disbelief, I wanted to go to the birth center NOW!! and have this baby. I labored through the night and finally went in Monday morning. I sat in the birthing pool, walked around, and finally when it was time sat down on a birthing stool and pushed Jack out. It was the longest, most painful and exhausting 48 hours of my life.

The moment he was out I looked at him, I remember just a sense of wonder flow through me, I remember thinking "there was really a baby in me, I did this, I just pushed a baby out of me" It was amazing. Then I remember looking at him and saying "He's so big" He didn't really even look like a newborn to me. He was wide awake, calmly looking around. I laid down with him in the bed, and we started our life together.

Jack today is funny, serious, and LOUD. He actually has always been loud. We've always said he has one volume and that is loud.

He is my special little boy, I love his bright smile and the way he scrunches up his face when he is serious. Today is not just Jack's special day, it's mine. I look at him and see the little boy I saw 3 years ago for the first time, I see the little boy he has grown into, and I see the little boy that one day I'll have to let go of. He is my baby, I am so blessed and honored to be his mother. He has made my life so bright.

Road Trip Part 2

2006-04-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

Ok I couldn't resist making one more post about our road trip.

1. Portland Oregon. There were cows everywhere, colorful, painted cows. An artist was displaying their cow art all over town for a few weeks. They were pretty cows.

2. We met Andy in Idaho, he was riding his bike across America. He just wanted to do it no other reason.

3. Mitchel's Corn Palace. The outside of this building was made entirely of corn. It was weird. The inside of the building had displays and artwork and information about corn.

4. Gladys and Mable two mascots we picked up along the way now live in my travel journal.

5. The Niagara falls tour. We are happy in this picture, but the day before we got in the worst fight we have ever been in. I almost threw his wedding ring over the falls and contemplated spending the night sleeping under some bushes in the park. I think we were just really sick of each other at that point. 3 weeks driving and camping will do that to you.

6. Lincoln memorial in Washington D.C. This town was one of our favorites.

7. We were in New York 10 months after 9/11. It was shocking and sobering to see all the memorials and ground zero. We were there for the 4th of July celebration.

8. Maine, we lost a whole roll of film of Maine. John thinks he accidentally threw it out :(

9. "Whitey" the official mascot of our trip.

10. "Hole in the Wall" I think this was in Utah or Colorado, this man built a whole house in this rock. It was amazing, there were bedrooms, a kitchen, bathrooms. He stuffed that mule in the back, that was gross.

11. Utah, I think this was Tetons national park, I don't want to go look it up right now. It was close to the city of Moab though, I remember that for some reason. It was pretty and very hot there.

12. Stinky and poo poo

13. Route 66

14. Graceland. We didn't actually go into Graceland, this was the cheap museum tour across the street.

15. The Luxor. Our last official stop was Las Vegas. We loved it. We loved it so much that we conceived Jack here. Right there in the Luxor, you get no more details, so don't ask :) We came back from our road trip with a little souvener in my belly.

16. repeat, oops.

We have hundreds of other photos, so many places we saw. Someday we hope to do it again with the kids. Imagine a month or 2 in an rv, what a blast that would be.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "April Fools" #3

2006-04-25T07:50:00.000-07:00

4 years ago, before I got pregnant with Jack, John and I were working at WorldCom together. WorldCom crumbled and we were both layed off. We decided it was the perfect time to take a road trip. So we packed our car up with food and camping gear and hit the road. We drove from Sacramento up to Portland Oregon and then across the whole United States ending in Maine. We partly camped and partly stayed in hotels. It was amazing, beautiful, exhausting, and exhilarating. We drove for a month and a half. There were times we got quite loopy. We adopted a little plastic white alligator that we stuck on our dashboard, we named him Whitey, and he was sort of our mascot. Then there was Gladys and Mabel who we picked up in Wisconsin at a coffee shop that was strangely located at the back of a meat market. They were 2 little cow stickers that the coffee shop used to cover the drink hole in our coffee cup so the coffee doesn't spill out. There were stuck to our dashboard and traveled with us for the rest of our trip. We also met up with our friends "stinky" and "poo-poo" on route 66 on our way to Las Vegas. They were two of the most stinky flea infested kittens we have ever encountered. I still loved them though and wished we could have taken them with us. Ahhh, so many more memories to share.

Brown Paper Packages

2006-04-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs to sing to the kids is "my favorite things" from The Sound of Music. I attack them with dog bites and bee stings at the appropriate time and they love it. Yesterday I opened the front door and there was a brown paper package tied up with string. John sat grinning on the couch as I picked it up.

I had had a rough morning with the kids and was feeling a little down when John left to go to the store. I was sure while he was gone he was going to bring me home a little something. Nothing big, a magazine, a candy bar, something to brighten my day. Well when he didn't, my feeling were hurt, I pouted, I felt sorry for myself. Yes I know how pathetic this sounds, anyway little did I know that John HAD gotten me a little something but was keeping it a secret. So later on when I opened the door, and found this brown paper package I felt a mixture of shame and joy. Shame for doubting that John was thinking of me, present or not, and joy because he HAD thought of me, not only thought of me, but remembered one of my favorite songs which made the gift even more special.

Inside the box was this beautiful skirt with wonderful little gold swirls and teeny tiny little charms that jingle just a little bit when I walk. I love you John, thanks for encouraging me and loving me.

Grateful Friday

2006-04-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

- The fabric that my friend Lorissa gave me which I made into these cute pants for Stella.
- The big cheesy smile Stella is starting to make when I take picuters of her.
- Michelle over a La vie en rose for inspiring me to show my gratefulness every Friday and for the vulnerability and honesty she always shows in her writing.
- Australian toaster biscuits.
- Shows that made me laugh this week "That 70's show" and "Dharma and Greg".
- Hanging out with my friend Gretchen in the park.
- Finding complete bed sets for Jack and Stella in the Ikea discount area,
- Avacado, sprouts, mozzarella cheese, and tomato sandwiches for lunch.
- Our double stroller.
- Grapes
- Sunny days
- Being pregnant.

2006-04-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

This is what Jack thinks of my smoothie. He always asks for a little, then he either doesn't drink it, or her pours his cheerios into it, or he spreads it all over the table. So he doesn't get any now. Jack is sick today. Very whiny and cranky and feverish. Stella however is very energetic and feisty, the combination is a little hard to handle. Jack's 3rd birthday is next week Friday. I haven't planned anything yet, well in my head I have a little, but I need to get some invitations out asap. I feel pressure whenever birthday time comes along. I want Jack to have so much fun and for it to be a really special day for him, but the party planning is a bit intimidating. I feel like there should be a theme and food and games and favors. I just don't feel like figuring it all out right now. I will though, I do my best planning last minute anyway. I also want to thank you all for the congratulations you gave me and my family for our pregnancy. I was touched by all of your beautiful comments. Thank you.

Self Portrait/Revel special project

2006-04-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, This week I'm changing up my self portrait, partly because I don't feel like figuring out something to do and partly because I want to revel the special project I've been working on to you all. So far all you know is that it is very detailed, it will be beautiful, and it will take me awhile to complete it. So do you think you know what it is? Well I'm going to tell you now. Drumroll please........... I'm.................making..................a.......................BABY!!!! I'm pregnant!!! Yipeee!!!! #3!!!!!!! Some of you may think this fits in perfectly with this month's Self Portrait Tuesday theme of "April Fools". We are really happy and excited. I'm about 2 months along, not sure exactly. I told Jack I had a baby in my tummy and he look at me and patted his tummy and said "I have a raisin in my tummy".

Month #1

Easter

2006-04-17T07:44:00.000-07:00

Every year for Easter we drive out to the Walkers house in Wilton. They have been family friends for 20 or so years. They have a beautiful house they built themselves on several acres. Every year we eat and then have a huge Easter egg hunt on their property. It is mandatory that everyone participates and new comers are required to wear bunny ears. This year they even threw a couple games in. It's always a super fun time with friends and family.

1. My brother Darren and sister Heidi
2. Stella
3. Nephew Hunter
4. My mother in law Maryann
5. Niece Hallie
6. My sister Heidi and sister in law Kimberly
7. My mom
8. Cow
9. Who's feet are these? game.

Grateful Friday

2006-04-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

- Taking the kids to see grandma at Sac State during a class break and watching them run around the campus and have fun with Grandma.
- A sunny day yesterday.

- Making some pants for Jack using Red Currents tutorial and having them turn out perfect.
- John is home today!! Yipeeee!!
- John's breakfast burritos.
- Jesus.
- Easter dinner and a huge Easter egg hunt at a friends in the country.
- A trip to the library today.
- Hearing Stella try and say squirrel.
- Aveda lip saver chap stick.
- A yellow butterfly I saw while eating a chocolate chip cookie yesterday with mom and the kids.

2006-04-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

It will NOT stop raining!!! This picture was taken on one of the 2 sunny days we had last week. It was a nice break, it feels like it's been raining for a solid month. I'm becoming more and more impatient with the kids. We go out and play in the rain every day, so we get out of the house but it still feels like we are trapped in here most of the day. I know it's the age but both of them are in constant need of my presence and attention. They always want me in their room playing with them, as I type this Stella is at my feet at Jack it shoving a Ice Age book into my arm. I'll go read to them and play with them and do whatever else they want. I sort of feel like my brain is turning to mush though. I do love playing with my kids and reading to them and all that, but right now I would love it if they just both went into the bedroom and played pirate without me, or both just flipped through some books on their own so I could just sit down for a minute and read a magazine or do some housework, or just do nothing for a minute.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "April Fools" #2

2006-04-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Hippity Hoppity Easter's On It's Way

Ok Here's my best bunny impression. I look a little deranged or something I think. More SPT's here.

Monday Monday

2006-04-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

Saturday night John and I went to eat at Sal's Tacos. It's a little place in west Sacramento that is completely decorated in Mosaic tiles, inside and out. I guess the owners are huge Kings fans because a lot of the mosaics are of Kings players. It was our first time there and we enjoyed the food and looking at all the weird art.

Ok A few of you have asked me questions in my comments and I'm so lame I never answer any of them. I want to but I just never get around to it, sorry about that. So here are three answers to questions recently asked.

1. Recipe to my blackberry mango smoothie : Frozen blackberry's, frozen mangos, couple scoops of yoplait vanilla yogurt, 1/4 cup of cranberry juice,1/4 cup of tofu, 1/2 cup of soy milk, tablespoon of wheatgerm.

2. Review of "V for Vendetta": I loved it, made me think and want to be more of an individual, made me want to fight corruption. I loved Natalie Portman and I want to see it again.

3.My secret project: Glam Jo thinks she knows what it is...HA!! good try to get me to reveal my masterpiece. What I will tell you is that it will take a while to complete it, there is lots of detailed work involved, and it will be beautiful. I want to work a little more on it before I show you anything. After Easter I'll share it with you all.

Have a super Monday everyone

Grateful Friday

2006-04-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

- I finished Stella dress last night in sewing class. I'm so proud of it.
- Marylin taught me how to put a zipper in last night in sewing class.
- I found a couple old Domino magazines at the library last night.
- Our lavender is blooming.
- Stella's new skirt from Red Current.
- Getting the itch to read again.
- Loving "V for Vendetta" last weekend.
- Homemade blackberry mango smoothies.
- Sun shining for the last 2 days.
- A secret project I'm making.
- Mom coming over on Wednesday to play with the kids.
- Beautiful yellow roses John brought me on Monday.
- Finally doing yoga this week.
- God taking care of our family in so many ways.
- John and I both sharing our excitement together over our future.

2006-04-06T12:50:00.000-07:00

IT'S HERE!!!! Stella's skirt came from Kath at Red Current. It is the cutest skirt, so funky and wild. I love the corduroy in it and the zebra print. It has an adjustable waistband which is so perfect because it will grow with Stella. Thank you so much Kath!! When I saw the package in the mail I was one excited mommy.

Cabin Fever

2006-04-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

It's been raining here for days, which means we are stuck here without a car. We get out at least once a day though to play in the rain. It is getting boring around here though. I've resorted to letting them watch quite a bit of TV. Though they really only watch about 1/4 of a movie and they lose interest and start playing something else. I'm working on finishing a dress I'm making for Easter for Stella, I just have the zipper left and I'm saving that for sewing class on Thursday. Today I'm going to start a skirt for myself, I wanted to have it done by easter, but I don't know if I can or not. I'm still learning and go really slow. Anyway, today I'm looking at another day inside. Here's a list of things I might do today:
1. Make a fort
2. Try to do a yoga tape during naptime
3. Work on my skirt
4. Make dinner with the kids
5. Play in the rain
6. Craft time with the kids
7. Watch a movie
8. Work on potty training the kids
9. Make a grocery shopping list
10. Story time in the "secret hide out"

Self Portrait Tuesday: "April Fools" #1

2006-04-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

Here we are ,three fools for fun. It actually wasn't very fun getting these pictures. Stella wasn't thrilled with the wig, it was hard for me to snap a picture before she ripped it off , and I had to bribe Jack with gummy bears. For some reason the theme this month doesn't sound very easy to me, it was hard for me to come up with something I liked. I've never really liked looking "foolish" so maybe that is a little intimidating to me. I'll have to stretch myself and see what I come up with next week. More spt's here

Noelle

2006-04-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

My niece Noelle left this weekend to go back to her mom's in Idaho. She was here a week with her dad and I got to spend a day with her. Noelle is such a creative fun little girl. She love to hip hop dance and sing. Ever since she was tiny she would sing every time I saw her. I was once swimming with her in the pool and she asked if she could sing this song she made up, I said sure, and 10 minutes later she was STILL singing this song, I'm pretty sure she was making it up as she went along, but this girl was so focused and the words were so passionate, even though I was a bit tired of listening I couldn't help but be fascinated by how long this might go on and what she would say. This week we went to the zoo, then came back home and spent some time dancing. She would be doing her thing, and I would say freeze and she would strike a pose. It was awesome, she was hysterical. I'll miss her and can't wait to see her again!!

Grateful Friday

2006-03-31T07:16:00.000-08:00

1. Getting to see "V For Vendetta" tomorrow night.
2. Jill Carroll being released.
3. The vanilla Latte my friend Lorissa brought me this week.
4. Seeing my friend Lorissa this week.
5. Breakfast at Ihop with my family yesterday.
6. Getting to hang out with my niece Noelle this week, bye Noelle have a good trip back, we'll all miss you.
7. Homemade Strawberry smoothies.
8. Our camera.
9. Heidi going to Ikea with me yesterday and helping me with the kids.
10. My kids loving books.

Naked

2006-03-30T07:29:00.000-08:00

Every morning and night, when we change the kids out of their clothes we have "naked time". We let the kids run around for awhile naked. They are the most happy and excited and energetic when they are running around naked. Jack asks to be "naked boy" at least a couple times a day and Stella asks to be "baby", but we limit it to only 2 times a day, due to the fact that it's a wrestling match to get them back into their clothes. We love chasing them and pinching their little squishy bottoms. Yesterday morning during naked time, Stella disappeared, I found her curled up on this red bean bag. She was all snuggled in and kept moving around, tucking herself more and more into the bean bag. I love "naked time" so much because it reminds me of the first time I saw them, their little body in my arms . I want to capture that moment and keep it forever in my heart.

Secret Hide Out

2006-03-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

This is Jack and Stella's "secret hide out". Heidi gave us this shredded orange curtain, we hung it up in a corner threw a bunch of pillows on the ground and the kids love it. Every night we go into the secret hide out and read stories to the kids. Jack's favorite story right now is called "No David". It's about a little boy who gets in lots of trouble. Whenever we get to the page where his mom tells him to stop picking his nose Jack immediately starts picking HIS nose. During the day when Jack goes into the secret hide out we pretend he's invisible. I'll start calling for him, asking where he is. Then he pulls back the curtain and jumps out. He loves it.

Self Portrait Tuesday: "Time" #4

2006-03-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

Sunday Morning Moments

More Self Portrait Tuesday bloggers here.

2006-03-27T07:24:00.000-08:00

I'm watching my niece Noelle today. We are going to the Folsom zoo, which I haven't been to since I was a kid. We had an interesting weekend, it seems like John and I were bickering for most of it. We would get in a little fight and then completely make up, and then before we knew it we were going at it again. It was strange though because they were all over tiny little things and each time we would end it it was like it never happened. It's weird because ususally if we fight it will be one big fight and I'll have a hard time getting over it, so I'll just be in a huff for most of the day. Anyway one of our fights was in IKEA. I swear I do not learn my lesson about bringing Jack and Stella shopping with us, it always ends the same way, us rushing out of the store, upset at each other and the kids, and IKEA is a hard store to rush out of since it's so big. Anyway, I'm hoping today and the rest of the week is excellent. Happy Monday everyone!!

Grateful Friday

2006-03-24T07:48:00.000-08:00

1. Jack and Stella making laugh EVERY day.
2. Getting to hang with mom and Heidi today.
3. Always being so encouraged by my fellow bloggers comments.
4. Green tea and "Dharma and Gregg" during naptime.
5. Anticipating watching "V for Vendetta" soon.
6. Marylin teaching me so much in sewing class last night.
7. Vanilla soy latte's and caramel Macciatos.
8. Looking forward to a shopping spree at IKEA.
9. "Drive" by Gwen Stefani. The kids go crazy for that song.
10. Me loving being a mom more and more and feeling generally less stressed on a daily basis.
11. Talking about going back to Big Sur this summer.
12. Pizza Friday and my friend Chandra coming over for dinner.

2006-03-22T21:24:00.000-08:00

How can I teach her to love herself? To feel beautiful, to love all her little quirks, the curve of her hips, and the shape of her smile? Is there a magic age where she will start to doubt? Stare in the mirror and start to pick herself apart? What age is it? I want to know so I can stand beside her and tell her she is the most beautiful of God's creations. That she is amazing and strong and brings a beautiful light with her wherever she goes. That true beauty isn't what we are told it is by society, but it's unique and it comes from the inside. I want to hold her hand and look in her eyes the moment she starts to doubt, stop that first thought of self hatred, tell her not to go that way. I'm scared. All I know is I can tell her she is amazing everyday, to give her lots of kisses and beyond that I don't have the answers. It almost seems impossible, I hope it's not and I'm going to do everything in my power to raise this little precious girl to love herself.